


The Art of Moving On

by EnsignDisaster



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Baby, Baby Fic, Broken Heart, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Love, No Beta, Post-Endgame, Pregnancy, Unrequited Love, little angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-06-28 14:44:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15709347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnsignDisaster/pseuds/EnsignDisaster
Summary: Kathryn Janeway is tired of being reminded of all the sacrifices she made to get Voyager and her crew home. She's ready to make a beautiful decision on something she's wanted for so long but been denied due to guilt and responsibility. Unfortunately her friends and family all have to put their two cents in.What will happen when the man she loves but can't have learns that Kathryn Janeway is finally moving on?





	1. Crossroads

Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway was at a crossroads in her life and instead of doing something about it she sat in her office sipping her fourth coffee of the day looking out across the bay. Not a crossroads professionally, she’d done quite well for herself actually, accepting a promotion to rear admiral from the moment Voyager touched down on the presidio six months ago.

She worked hard to foster diplomatic relations with a number of species with an army of aides at hand and enough real coffee to power a warp core. It allowed for space travel in she should want it but so far she was content to stay firmly planet side within transporter range of Gretchen Janeway’s cooking. Of course, it wasn’t as exciting as first contacts and investigating nebulas like the past seven years but it still had challenges and intrigue plus she got to go home at the end of the day and there aren’t quite as many life and death scenarios. Kathryn was starting to realize that after years of running around, red alerts, and fighting tooth and nail just to survive that she was perfectly content to spend her weekends sleeping in, drinking black coffee in the morning and bubbly champagne in the evening, before returning home after a long day of shopping to a relaxing bubble bath. 

Her personal life wasn’t hurting either although if you asked her mother and sister they might have a different opinion. One disastrous blind date with one of Phoebes artist friends had soured Kathryn’s need to put herself back in the dating pool, the man couldn’t tell the difference between a Vulcan and a Romulan but proceeded to lecture her about the Federation’s position in the neutral zone throughout. She’d practically sprinted to the public transporter after dodging what looked to be disgusting open mouthed kiss. So, romance was out of the picture but most of her friendships were thriving, she had just gotten off the subspace conn with Tuvok not an hour before. His treatment was progressing well and by his calculation he would be back on earth before the end of the year to discuss his future with Starfleet, she had teased him a little about how First Officer Tuvok had a nice ring to it but all she got in response was a simple raised eyebrow. Lieutenant Harry Kim was getting prepared to leave on a deep space mission on the science vessel USS Jefferson although he had still blushed like a green ensign when she reminded about packing his clarinet this time, Kathryn could swear he’d mumbled a ‘yes mom’ under his breath.

Tom and B’Elanna had decided to raise Miral on Earth, buying a house just a stones throw from headquarters. Each of them getting a job working on experimental shuttlecraft with B’Elanna brainstorming powerful new engines and Tom coordinating a team of test pilots. He badly wanted to be the one testing out the experimental new tech but one glare from his fierce half-Klingon wife reminded him that he was a family man now and had other responsibilities namely staying alive. Miral Paris seemed to be growing like a weed every time Kathryn saw her and even though the entire Voyage crew doted on her, it was Owen Paris who she had effectively wrapped around her little baby finger. Kathryn couldn’t help chuckling at the memory of walking into his office weeks after Voyager’s return to see a dozen framed holopics of the newborn lining his desk and walls, the adorable collection was steadily increasing every week.

The Doctor had taken a prestigious position just downstairs at Starfleet medical working to showcase everything he’d innovated in the Delta quadrant. His status as a sentient being was still up in the air but the more he worked with his new colleagues the more he swayed the well regard doctors to his side, Kathryn had even overheard Dr. Crusher remark that the EMH was an improvement on the grumpy Dr. Zimmerman. He also kept her up to date on the gossip circulating within the Voyage crew, the stuff too embarrassing to tell their former captain via letter or visual transmission. She got invited to weddings, family reunions, and everything in between and she tried her hardest to make it to all of them although she had politely declined the Delaney sister’s invite for a ‘Wild and Wet Weeklong Adventure on Risa’ though she had gotten a good laugh out of it.  
There was one blip on Kathryn Janeway’s social circle well two blips really, Seven of Nine and Chakotay. After about a month on Earth the couple had jumped on the nearest transport and headed off to spend time with his sister rebuilding the new colony. Their brief farewell to the crew at the actual Chez Sandrine’s and shared lovey dovey looks had left Kathryn feeling hallow and when she’d transported to her large empty San Francisco apartment that night the petite redhead had crawled under her bed covers and cried herself to sleep for the first time since the ship had burst into the Alpha quadrant. Over the next months the shape pain of a broken heart had become a dull constant ache and the admiral had buried it deep in her very soul.

She didn’t want to appear aloof though, so she had sent the both of them a handful of letters, enough to make an effort although every time she hit the send button another hole was punched in her carefully constructed wall. Her letters were always short and sweet nothing more than a few paragraphs long telling them how the crew was doing, how the none classified parts of her work were going, and a hope that they both were doing well. Chakotay’s letters on the other hand were long and descriptive about his tearful reunion with his sister, joyful introduction to his nieces and nephews, how beautiful the new colony was, plans for future development, and how Seven was making a go of ‘roughing it.’ These letters always took her several days to get through because she kept starting and stopping. She’d patted herself on the back when with the last letter she’d been able to read ‘love, Annika and Chakotay’ without bursting into tears. 

Being so emotional still felt strange to her but the Doctor had warned that after spending seven years of being the emotionless strong captain the flood gates would open with all the released pressure that was being home. Again, she was doing a lot of things Captain Janeway would never do and it felt incredible and terrifying at the same time.  
Still it was a surprise when a huffing and puffing B’Elanna had joined her for their weekly lunch and told her all about the two love birds coming back to Earth in the next few days. Other than herself, Kathryn believed the half Klingon had taken Chakotay’s sudden departure the hardest. The young mother had ranted and raved about the, in her words ‘no good Maquis bastard’ for a good few hours, and so over the long six months the engineer had sent the couple exactly one letter that had been mostly written by Tom and signed it with a polite but cold ‘Regards, The Paris Family.’

Kathryn had simply shrugged when B’Elanna had told her the news about the former Borg drone and Commander coming home. Apparently, the younger woman elaborated, Chakotay was coming to accept a professorship in advanced tactics at the academy just like before he left Starfleet in addition to a lecture series about the cultures of the Delta Quadrant. Meanwhile Seven was being courted by several civilian laboratories and Starfleet on integrating Borg tech into defense systems. The two were coming home and building a future together filled with success, happiness, and not need for Kathryn Janeway.

Which brought Kathryn back to the present moment while she leaned back in her chair and drank the last sips of her cold coffee. She admired the glittering lights from the city against the dark inky sky and a quick glance at her chronometer revealed that she should have gone home hours ago. But she was at a crossroads and it was time to pick a path, finally making her choice the good admiral recycled her cup, grabbed her coat, and marched out of her office.  
Instead of going straight out the door toward home Kathryn order the turbolift to take her to medical. Stepping out into the sterile hallways of the Starfleet medical ward, Kathryn made a beeline to the Doctor’s office where she could hear him toiling away into the wee hours after all he often smugly stated ‘holopeople don’t need sleep’ which at this moment Kathryn was grateful for.

“Ah Admiral to what do I owe the pleasure of you company, finally come in for that long overdue physical.” The Doctor stated not looking up from his cultures probably recognizing her from the pattern in her footsteps. Finally turning around the bald hologram couldn’t help raising an eyebrow at the redhead’s eager expression, grabbing a tricorder and gesturing toward the bio-bed, he asked once again while scanning “So Kathryn what do you need?”  
The smaller woman hopped up on the bed with more energy than she’d had in weeks before turning to the EMH and stating confidently, “Well Doctor I’ve given it a lot of thought and I want to have a baby.”  
The only sound after that was the medical tricorder hitting the floor.


	2. Mother Knows Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Admiral and Doctor come up with a plan and Kathryn tells her mother.

It took almost three hours for Kathryn to walk out of Starfleet headquarters with a more concrete plan and by the time she’d made it home she swore she could see the first rays the morning sun hitting the fog rolling down San Francisco’s hills. Most of the first hour or so was the Doctor getting over his shock and pacing his lab back and forth as the hologram muttered to himself, Kathryn simply sat back and let him tire himself out.

“But what to do about the patient’s more…” a guarded glance was thrown in Janeway’s direction as the Doctor studied various hyposprays, “shall we say mature age…oh wait yes yes that should work.” He concluded making notes in the computer.

“Hmmm will the fetus need this? Oh no never mind Miral only required this due to her half-Klingon DNA.” The Doctor then proceeded to pick up and put down the same instrument a half dozen times before finally putting it away.

Voyage’s EMH went on and on like this, asking questions and answering them two seconds later, running rings around his lab. Finally, he froze, and Kathryn could tell from his body language that he suddenly remembered he had company.

“Apologies Admiral I guess I got a bit carried away.” The Doctor at least had the decency to add a little photonic flush to his face. But in Kathryn’s mind there was nothing to be sorry for so to give him comfort she reached out and grasped his arm just under his mobile emitter.  
“It’s quite alright Doctor everyone acts a little excited when receiving big news.” She explained flashing her infamous crooked smile, “Besides your reaction isn’t half as bad as I imagine my mother’s will be when I break the news that I’m going to be get pregnant without so much as a boyfriend.”

The EMH had met Gretchen Janeway at Voyager’s welcome home ball and had to agree, the silver haired woman who stood no taller than five foot nothing was a force to be reckoned with. Even Owen Paris had been sweating bullets when conversing with her though he was able to use his brand-new granddaughter as a buffer.

“I just have to ask Kathryn not just as your Doctor but also as your friend…are you sure about this? It’s a very big decision.” The Doctor sheepishly inquired although he couldn’t help it. Kathryn Janeway had avoided sick bay like the plague the past seven years and was so self-sacrificial that at times he was certain she gave him holographic migraines.

Instead of the death glare the EMH expected the admiral looked at him with soft watery eyes as a petite hand traveled down to rest against her flat stomach. 

“I’ve made big decisions every day for the past seven and a half years, some were so difficult that they almost broke me.” The brief unwanted memory of answering Tuvok’s hail on New Earth flashed in her mind along with the image of Chakotay and Seven walking out of Sandrine’s hand in hand. “I spent so long with one goal in mind: get my crew home and from the moment I destroyed the Caretakers array everything that my life could have been was lost halfway across the galaxy.”

She had to pause for a moment to wipe away a stray tear before continuing, “But this baby…he or she won’t be Starfleet’s, or the Delta quadrant’s or hell even Voyager’s baby. He or She will be mine to love and hold, I’ve wanted to be a mother for so long but always denied myself but now I’m home, safe, and there’s no one to tell me no this time.”  
With that Kathryn couldn’t keep the fierce look off her face as if she anticipated a fight from the Doctor. He on the other hand gave her a simple smile and nod of admiration before bursting into a flurry of activity.

They came up with a simple outline of how not only they were going to create the optimal successful conception but also how Kathryn’s as of yet to exist pregnancy would be announced to the entire crew. It was mutually agreed that they wanted to avoid the Voyagers from picking up a tabloid on Risa and being shocked to see their former captain as big as a starship on the front cover. Alternatively, Kathryn would tell the senior staff herself in a private setting and knowing Tom Paris’ notorious reputation as a gossip let the news trickle down to the lower decks. The Admiral left out that she didn’t exactly know how she was going to tell her former first officer and surrogate daughter but that was a problem for another day.

Getting her body in prime working order for successful implant was another challenge in and of itself. The Doctor quickly drew up a dietary plan that annoyingly included the stipulation in bold print that she would limit her caffeine intake and once pregnancy was confirmed it would be completely cut out of her diet. 

The next obstacle was Kathryn’s age though thankfully with modern 24th century medicine wasn’t too hard to get past, many women older than she were able to successfully and relatively happily carry a pregnancy to term. Even so it never hurt to have a little help so the EMH began her on a weekly regimen of one hypo of prenatal vitamins and one of fertility hormones. He was careful to warn Kathryn that the hormones would cause some side effects which he downloaded onto a PADD before handing it over, the redhead barely gave it a glance before tossing it on the rapidly growing stack.

Perhaps the easiest part of the night was coming up with several options to get the male ‘component’ of the equation. Although Starfleet itself did not have such facilities they did offer services to any officers wishing to start family planning. There were a dozen private and exclusive sperm banks that the Doctor could name off the top of his memory banks that would suit the admiral quite perfectly. With that the EMH escorted a yawning Kathryn to the nearest transport station manned by a space out ensign while the hologram assured his superior that he would inquire with the appropriate professionals and have a long list of dossiers for her to study on her desk in no more than a weeks’ time. 

So, Kathryn stumble though her darkened home, kicking off her boots but didn’t bother taking off the rest of her uniform as she flopped down onto her soft bed and was out like a light the moment her head hit the down pillow.

***

Mid-morning the next day found Kathryn lounging around her high-rise apartment wearing only her long peach silk robe and sipping a hot cup of decaf coffee. She’d soaked in a jasmine scented bath, read through a good chunk of a Klingon romance holonovel B’Elanna had recommended, and was deliberately putting off her routine weekend vidchat with her mother.

**Beep Beep**

“Speak of the devil.” Kathryn couldn’t help muttering under her breath and with a sign of resignation heaved herself from the comfy chair over to her desk and hit the accept button. Instantly Gretchen Janeway’s lovely but annoyed face filled the screen. 

“Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway I have been waiting over two hours for your call, is something wrong? Are you sick? Did something happen at work?” Instantly Kathryn was bombarded with question as her mother critical gaze traveled all over her eldest’s face searching for anything out of place. It was an unfortunate habit that Gretchen had developed since her daughter had gotten home, a constant worry though few could blame the woman after believing that she had lost her Kathryn for four grueling years.

“No mother I’m fine, nothing is wrong at all, work is good, and I’ve actually felt better than I have in ages.” Kathryn reassured her mother before fiddling with her coffee cup, “The reason I avoided calling is because I have some news and I don’t know how to tell you.”

“Oh sweetheart you know that you can tell me anything, anything at all and I’ll support you.” Gretchen spoke softly to reassure her girl. She’d learned through trial and error what parenting skills she needed to utilize when raising her polar opposite daughters. Where Kathryn was studious, quiet, and always trying to please her high-ranking father, Phoebe grew to be loud, artistic, and boy crazy. The younger sister couldn’t take two steps into the house without telling everyone all the little details of her day from which teacher just didn’t understand her art to how the cute boy in study hall just made her want to D-I-E. But with Kathryn one had to wait for her open and not push her too quickly.

Kathryn closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and rather bluntly said, “Mother I’m planning on having a baby.” 

She waited a good long while for her mother to respond but Gretchen Janeway appeared frozen, the only indication that it wasn’t signal issues were the very slow blinks her mother was giving her.

Just at the point where it was beginning to become awkward there was a flurry of activity on the other end. Her mother appeared to be jumping up and down in her seat and she definitely heard something fall off the desk and go crashing to the floor which caused Kathryn to laugh out loud, Gretchen Janeway the matriarch who could make Klingons nervous was giddy with excitement and again soon came another barrage of questions.

“Ooooh, Sweetheart this is so wonderful, another grandchild. How far along are you? When is the due date? Do you know the sex? What about the father does he know? Do I know the father? That better not be black coffee in that cup young lady.” She finished out of breath and with a wag of her finger.

Now was the hard part, “Well I’m not pregnant yet and the father is going to be donor…well I’m getting it from Voyager’s EMH, you remember him from the welcome home ball, and he will get it from the sperm bank of my choosing.” She could practically see the wheels turning in her mother’s head. “He assures me that whatever donor I pick will be top tier.” She ended with a weak laugh.

Again, there were several long moments where the older woman simply blinked. Thankfully she recovered quicker this time and she cleared her throat to get Kathryn’s attention who’d been staring deeply into an empty coffee cup.

“Well I guess there’s only one thing to say…we’re going to have a baby.” And with that the same smile bloomed on the two women’s faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter down, please know that I don't normally update this frequently but I got carried away. This chapter got a little sappy for me but I think I peppered in the right amount of humor.
> 
> Will our Janeway become a hormone driven horndog...who knows, well I know but you'll have to find out.  
> Also don't worry Chakotay and Seven with be in the next chapter.  
> So please hit the kudos.  
> Happy Friday!


	3. Getting the band back together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most of the senior staff react to the news and Chakotay and Seven return home.

As Tuvok closed the subspace communication terminal he stepped away from his desk and into his meditation alcove. On Voyager he had simply used his personal quarters or when he was allocated the time Tuvok used the holodeck to meditate about the running of the ship, various security issues, and any other pressing matters.

When he had arrived back on Vulcan T’Pel had shown him that in her spare time away from teaching at the Vulcan Academy of Sciences she had prepared a meditative space that would double as a private office for him to use at his leisure when he wasn’t undergoing mind melds to correct his condition. When he had been shown the space, he had remarked that the view of arid landscape out the floor to ceiling windows had been adequate and touched his fingers to his wife’s.

He looked out at that same landscape now as he contemplated the conversation he’d just had with his former captain and dear friend Kathryn Janeway. She had informed him of her decision to have a child and presented it in such a way like she was debriefing him about a shift change in tactical rotation. It was short, precise, and professional which was the desired form of communication Vulcan’s wanted when receiving news.

But he could tell that just under the surface his friend was brimming with excitement, nervousness, and fear so he had requested a few moments to think over her words which Kathryn had agreed to with none of her usual impatience.

Even a year ago Tuvok would have responded logically to her news in 2.57 seconds but given his weakened mental state he had needed 20.58 seconds although with each passing day he was getting back to his optimal condition.

Everything he knew about Kathryn Janeway pointed to the fact that having offspring at this time was the most logical step the admiral could take. She was still of childbearing age for human women and had reached a high position in Starfleet that would guarantee a safe and privileged childhood for the child. When she chose to tell Starfleet about her plans there would most likely be an outpouring of support for the captain who brought Voyager back from the Delta Quadrant. Starfleet and the Federation had taken a hard hit do to the Dominion War and Voyager’s return had caused a bump in good will they had desperately needed. When they hear their so-called ‘Delta Darling’ will be having a child they will as Lieutenant Paris liked to say, ‘shout it from the roof tops.’

There was the small matter that Admiral Janeway was without a mate but that was quickly dismissed, humans were not required to have a mate unlike his own species. Kathryn would never go through the very illogical process of a Pon Farr and fortunately be able to produce an offspring with the limited necessity of a male factor with the help of modern medicine and Voyager’s EMH. When Tuvok addressed the waiting Admiral once more he imparted his own experience with parenthood. That raising his four children beside his wife T’Pel had given him a deeper understanding of what it means to teach life philosophies to another inexperienced life and learn more about oneself, to see the logic in the most illogical emotion, love.

Tuvok raised an eyebrow as relief washed over Kathryn’s face as he continued to say that the galaxy as a whole would be a much more fascinating place with another Janeway in it. That caused the redheaded woman to laugh although he did not see the humor in the statement.

With that he informed Admiral Janeway of his families plans to visit Earth in a few months’ time and that he would contact her again when he had a more definite date for when his medical procedures were complete. With a final thank you from Admiral Janeway he signed off and retreated to his meditation alcove.

Kathryn was a true friend to Tuvok and it was clear that his opinion mattered to her on her decision to have a child. He could see that even if he had expressed disapproval to the idea she would have done it anyway, as she did with so many choices aboard Voyager. But his disapproval would have damaged their relationship and would take perhaps years to repair so such action was illogical.

This choice however he could not fight her on for humans were not as long lived as Vulcans and as such he could not deny her desire to have a child when she had denied herself even the option of companionship in the Delta Quadrant. His family had been waiting for him when they had reached the Alpha Quadrant and hers was just beginning.

“Father are you ready to begin?” the monotone voice of his eldest interrupted his meditation, a quick glance at the chronometer showed that it was time for his treatment.

“Yes, Sek let us go.” And with that Tuvok walked out into the desert following his firstborn.

* * *

 

Harry Kim sat in his favorite pizzeria in New York City and found that he couldn’t take a bite of the piping hot slice of pepperoni in front of him. He glanced around and quickly turned back to his dinner when he noticed the elderly Italian couple who ran the place giving him odd looks. His family had been going here since he was a small boy and he had no doubt that once he stepped foot outside his mother would be informed of his odd behavior courtesy of Mrs. Gilettie.

But he couldn’t help it every time he even attempted to take a bite he thought about the lunch he had only a few hours earlier in the Starfleet headquarters cafeteria prompting him to put the pizza down and replay the conversation.

He’d stopped by the admiral’s office after saying a quick hello to her aide, one Samantha Wildman, to ask if his former captain fancied a meal other than black coffee. To his surprise the older woman had been rather enthusiastic about getting some run of the mill canteen food.

He’d gotten the mystery meat while Janeway had been offered the summer salad with grilled salmon on the side, rank did have its privileges.

They’d barely gotten into the ‘hey how are you’ part of the conversation before he’d remarked that she was without her standard cup of coffee. This comment had opened the floodgates and the petite redhead went on to explain that she was planning on having a baby, how she was working with the doctor about finding a sperm donor, and how he was about the fourth person she’d told so far.

She ended her monologue by confessing that “other than the Doctor you’re the only one I’ve told this about face to face.”

To be honest Harry was actually quite flattered about the situation, that the Kathryn Janeway would tell little old him something so major and private. There were times on Voyager when Ensign Kim had felt overlooked since he wasn’t as charismatic as Tom Paris or smart as Seven of Nine. Now looking back he could reflect that he played a major part in the ship’s success but there were times over the years where he’d felt forgotten by the captain he looked up to the most.

Not that he was blaming Janeway at all, he saw a lot more from his position at Comms than most gave him credit for, a lot more than Tom at least. He would often see how much being leader of their community weighed on Janeway and how hard she took it when situations turned from bad to worse. He’d gotten rather good at reading the redhead’s body language without seeing her face and what he saw over the cafeteria table took him by surprise.

From the familiar set of her shoulders and hand clenched around her fork she had already made up her mind and all her face said was “I’m going to have this baby.” But he saw something else in her expression that he rarely saw in the Delta Quadrant especially in the later years and that was an eagerness, to do something for the sake of doing it with no ulterior motive.

So, Harry had done something that he’d never dreamed about doing 75,000 light years away. He reached across the table and took the Admiral’s small hand in his. From her raised eyebrow she hadn’t expected this from the lieutenant, but she kept silent when he raised an eyebrow right back. Harry couldn’t help feeling like she was telling him that even though a new baby was coming in she wouldn’t love him any less.

“Admiral my only regret is that I might not be here by the time the baby is born, after all the only uncle he or she will know is Tom and what a tragedy that would be.” That statement had earned him a smack on the arm.

Finally, hours later Harry was able to stomach a few bites of his now cold pizza before adventuring out into the crisp city air. He couldn’t help wondering how Chakotay and to a lesser extent Seven would react to the news.

Contrary to popular belief he wasn’t totally oblivious to the special relationship the captain and first officer had, he had placed a few rations in the betting pool Tom had started so early in their journey. Like many on the crew he’d felt the sting of disappointment when Voyager’s first officer had run off with the ex-Borg when they’d gotten home leaving the captain to play the roll of leader once again but this time truly alone.

Shaking his head Harry decided such thoughts weren’t worth the effort besides he had some shopping to do before his posting on the USS Jefferson was set to begin.

* * *

 

 Tom and B’Elanna were a team which is something they’d agreed on from the moment they were married. Almost everything they did they discussed and argued over but most of the time they were in agreement. This teamwork had come in handy when raising Miral even though she was only six months old they had developed a routine that worked perfectly like a well-oiled warp core.

At 0700 both parents would rise for the first feeding of the day, while B’Elanna was nursing Tom would get to work fixing breakfast for the two adults. While they ate Miral would sit in her rocker cooing and chewing on whatever unfortunate soft toy found itself in her grasp.

Tom would mutter “Any day now” as he tried to coax a ‘dada’ out of his daughter and then it was off to Starfleet headquarters, a very pleasant if brisk walk. Kisses and hugs were given as Miral was dropped off at daycare and then the couple parted ways with a quick kiss and promise to meet for lunch.

B’Elanna worked on her engines and barked out orders to her underlings while Tom ran drills with cocky test pilots, some of whom had just graduated from the academy. He tried to avoid thinking about how much they reminded him of himself years ago, arrogant and thinking that their shit didn’t stink, he only hoped that they didn’t have to learn humility the hard way at the other end of the galaxy. He was developing quite the reputation as the resident hard-ass instructor pushing the test pilots harder every day. He and B’Elanna liked to joke that they would soon become the most feared couple in Starfleet history.

They’d meet for lunch and if they had a few minutes to spare stop by and see Miral for a bit at daycare.

Tonight, though was different because tonight they were having Admiral Janeway over for dinner and that called for special preparation. They’d picked Miral up early and gone to the local farmers market being careful to pick out only the best ingredients while the baby took in all the colors of the fruits and vegetables from the harness Tom had strapped to his chest.

Arriving home, the pair placed Miral in her playpen where she was content to roll around with her blocks and toys while her parents prepared a nice dinner of chicken alfredo and a vegetable medley.

Before long the sun had set, and the familiar tone of the door bell rang through the house and as Tom set the table B’Elanna rushed to the entrance to greet their guest.

There was only one-person Miral Paris loved almost as much as her mommy, daddy, and grandparents, that person was Kathryn Janeway. As soon as she heard the familiar husky voice greeting her mommy from down the hall the baby began to make high pitched cooing sounds almost close to shrieks in excitement. Her little body wiggled along the brightly colored blanket lining her playpen as she lifted her head in anticipation of seeing her favorite person.

Kathryn didn’t disappoint as she met B’Elanna with a kiss on the cheek, handed over a bottle of wine, and breezed right past the half Klingon mother to lift little Miral up into her arms.

The young couple was used these types of antics from the two although B’Elanna couldn’t help noticing that the energy was different this time around. Kathryn gazed at the six-month-old with such love and affection as Miral giggled and tugged on red strands of hair.

B’Elanna brushed the gut feeling off as everyone settled in to enjoy a nice intimate dinner. The mood was light with the adults discussing work which quickly dissolved into exchanging gossip that centered around headquarters and Voyager’s crew. Like the fact that Mike Ayala was attempting to move up the ranks of Starfleet security or that Icheb was quickly showing up his fellow cadets at the academy.

While the trio prattled on Miral kept herself busy getting a puree of Bajoran peaches all over her face and trying to share her meal with her Aunt Kathryn using her sticky chubby fingers. Every time the admiral attempted to take a sample of the offered baby food Miral would let out a soft squeal and snatch her pudgy fist right back which in turn caused the table to laugh, it appeared that Miral had inherited her father’s flair for the dramatic.

It was only when Tom mentioned the odd behavior of the EMH when he went in for his routine physical that morning that Kathryn’s carefree behavior changed.

“Oh yes he must still be excited about the news.” She stated resting her fork on her clean plate, Tom made quick work of clearing the table and retreating to the kitchen to let the two women talk. “Not that I can blame him, you remember how he used to get whenever he discovered a new superbug or medical procedure.”

The skilled engineer could tell her former captain was trying to change the subject and B’Elanna wasn’t having it, “I recall watching the grump jump around sickbay a number of times in the past, what’s got his photons in a bunch this time?”

The former captain took a moment to run a finger along Miral’s forehead ridges down her soft chubby cheeks before answering. “I’m planning on having a child and the Doctor is going to help me.”

Even though the words came out as no more than a whisper a huge crash came from the kitchen causing Kathryn to break out her trademark lopsided grin, of course Tom had been listening in.

Said china wrecker entered the dining room with a rather sheepish expression before sitting down beside his shocked wife. It was several moments before either person spoke as they absorbed the information presented to them. Kathryn having grow quite used to this pause simply waited them out.

“Well that’s just great admiral…really I mean you spent so long on Voyager mothering all of us it’s about time you had a kid of your own flesh and blood.” Tom meant it as a light-hearted joke but couldn’t help wincing. Thankfully Kathryn laughed off his comment before taking a large swig of her wine, her face flushing as she turned to B’Elanna trying to gage the engineer’s expression.

When B’Elanna Torres had first come aboard Voyager, she had been resentful of Captain Janeway. Yes, the older woman had saved the Ocampa by destroying the Caretaker’s Array, but she had also stranded them halfway across the galaxy meaning they had to take the long way home and merge two crews that should have been enemies. Over the years that resentment morphed into respect then admiration until by the end of their journey the chief engineer saw her captain as almost surrogate mother.

Most of Janeway’s mentoring energy had been going toward teaching Seven of Nine how to embrace humanity by the later half of their journey so B’Elanna began to focus more on her relationship with Tom. Looking back on it she couldn’t help wondering if that is what caused a lot of the tension early on between the half Klingon and ex-Borg, that her beloved captain had found a shiny new toy to play with. Eventually after trial and error, she and Seven had formed a respect for each other and while she was reluctant to call the tall Nordic woman a close friend they were still friendly.

Perhaps B’Elanna had always held out hope that Chakotay would see the error of his ways and come back begging for Kathryn’s forgiveness and after putting him through the ringer the Starfleet Admiral and Maquis rebel would come together completing a seven-year waiting period of will they won’t they that the crew had watched carefully with crossed fingers. When she’d expressed these thoughts to Tom he’d called her a romantic, so she threatened to break his arm after all he was the one who started the ridiculous betting pool.

It’d been easier after Chakotay had run off to Dorvan with Seven, B’Elanna found that if she could focus all her energy on being angry at the old man then she wouldn’t have to think about how much he’d hurt her and their friendship. She also knew that Kathryn would never speak of her love for her former first officer out loud so B’Elanna had taken on the role of vocalizing that heartbreak for the both of them, not with words of love and grief but mainly with curse words. At their weekly lunches in the first few months she had called Chakotay every name in the book before the admiral had gently shushed her. There were occasionally hard days for the older woman when B’Elanna was allowed to go on ranting a bit longer than usual.

“Kathryn, I have no doubt you’ll be a wonderful mother and he or she will bring honor to the Janeway name.” B’Elanna reassured the petite woman with a pat on the hand after some inner turmoil. She knew there were tears threatening to spill over in her eye’s, but she told herself that they were nothing more than a Klingon’s reaction to being told an honorable feat, childbirth was considered an great achievement in Klingon society no matter if the woman was Klingon or Human.

She let Tom do most of the talking for the rest of the evening which he seemed happy to do. They went through a myriad of questions from how she would pick a potential donor for which Kathryn didn’t have much of an answer to although she’d have a more concrete idea when she saw the list of potentials and then how she was planning on balancing being a Starfleet Admiral with being a mother. At that the redhead had only rolled her eyes and reminded the pilot of his earlier comment of playing ship’s mother on for seven years.

By the time dessert was over poor Miral could barely keep her eyes open so with a soft kiss on the cheek Kathryn Janeway made her exit quietly knowing that if Miral took notice of her leaving it would lead to a meltdown of epic proportions.

After that it was a simple task of loading the dishes into the recycler and having Tom wash Miral in the warm water of the sink.

For the first time in months B’Elanna sat in front of their comm terminal and considered writing a letter to a very specific person, she just had to work up the nerve to actually put her thoughts into words.

“B’E no…” Tom’s disappointed tone snapped her out of her internal monologue and she turned to face his figure standing the doorway. She must have been lost in thought longer than anticipated since Tom had time to wash the baby and put her to bed. They’d been married long enough that he knew her intensions and she immediately went on the defensive.

“Come on Tom I think Chakotay has a right to know what’s going on with everyone’s lives including his former commanding officers.” She swiveled back to the terminal that was still waiting to be turned on. “Besides he might be over the moon for Kathryn, he and Seven could even host the baby shower.”

The blond man said nothing as he approached his wife and turned her back to face him. It only took one knowing look for the half Klingon to deflate and she rose up to wrap her arms around her spouse. He returned the gesture knowing how rarely B’Elanna wanted comfort like this, this was one situation she couldn’t punch her way out of unfortunately.

“I just…I just want him to hurt the same way she did when he left.” B’Elanna mumbled her excuse against his shirt.

“My wife the champion and protector of Kathryn Janeway, it sure has been a long time since you were her Maquis dissenter.” Tom couldn’t help but joke which earned him a smack on the shoulder. “You know she’s not having this baby for him, so you don’t have to protect her feelings.”

“I know I know.” B’Elanna sighed before looking up into her husband’s baby blue eyes, “When did you get so smart.”

“Well…I have my moments.”

“Oh yes you definitely have…some very fine moments.” B’Elanna growled as her hands traveled lower, the air in the room suddenly getting a lot hotter.

As Tom wasted no time in dragging her to the bedroom the half Klingon resigned herself to the fact that Chakotay was just going to have to learn about Kathryn’s pregnancy the hard way.

* * *

 

_** All passengers this is Commander Mallory speaking please gather your belongings and proceed to the transporter room, transports to Earth’s surface will begin in fifteen minutes**_

Chakotay half listened to the Vesper’s first mate as he worked on getting his and Seven’s bags together. His blonde girlfriend was down in the transporter room already making sure the crew took special precautions when handling her regeneration chamber though he got the feeling that if they didn’t get off this public transport in the next hour Seven would be thrown off. Voyager’s crew had gotten used to Seven’s rather blunt need for perfection, a quality the Alpha Quadrant natives were slow to adopt.

Voyager had been a subject he’d struggled not to think about when he was on Dorvan visiting his sister her family. Seven hadn’t helped in that department because everyday she made a comment or observation about something on the colony and equated it with an event of the past few years or a former crewmember.

_“Lieutenant Torres would find these generators a fascinating if simple challenge.”_

_“Actually, being out in the so-called wilderness is much different than Lieutenant Commander Tuvok’s tactical exercises on the holodeck.”_

_“I will mention this category of flora in our next letter to Admiral Janeway given its close resemblance to ones she kept in her ready room.”_

There had been times when he had almost snapped at Annika about her bringing up the past so casually, but he held himself back.

Halfway through their trip Chakotay had hiked twenty kilometers to camp beside a lake his sister had mentioned as a secluded space to talk with one’s spirit guide, Annika had chosen to stay behind and discuss optimal crop rotation with his tribe’s engineers.

He’d failed at contacting his animal guide which wasn’t a surprise, the last few years of Voyager’s journey had made her shy to his presence only on very rare occasions did he spy her grey coat weaving through the trees but never approaching to greet him. The trip to the lake wasn’t a complete waste though because as he gazed across its emerald water he contemplated why he bristled every time his companion brought up their old ship.

The last year in the Delta quadrant had been difficult for all of them and he found himself not liking the person he became. Gone was Captain Janeway’s best friend and first office instead he became a man at the end of his rope. He and Kathryn snapped at each other, they no longer had weekly dinners, and with each crisis they drifted farther and farther apart.

One of the reasons he’d accepted Seven’s affections was that it was just nice to have someone listen for once, a fresh mind to teach and who didn’t know all the answers.

But if he was being honest with himself Annika wasn’t happy on Dorvan, everything was a bit too primitive for her. She kept most of her thoughts herself, but he could tell from the look in her pale blue eyes when there were no replicators available or how they had to send their letters through subspace at allocated time windows sometimes weeks apart. Even though his people made her feel welcome, the children gawked at her Borg implants and when she questioned the traditional methods of the elders she got exacerbated looks.

Finally, Chakotay realized why Seven talked so much about Voyager and her crew it was because she missed them. They were the only family she had known outside of her hive mind and the spiritual man felt guilty about taking her from the new environment of Earth and dragging her to this even more unknown and strange colony, at least she had the crew to lean on back on Earth out here it was only him as her emotional support, a task he felt he’d failed at.

As he made the trek back to the village he beat himself up over his selfishness, perhaps when he closed off his emotional if not professional support for Kathryn in those last months on Voyager it had extended to his other relationships.

One thing was for certain and that any chance of extending their visit was out of the question. Before he left on his camping trip he was planning on bringing up the idea of staying for a full twelve months but he could see now that Annika would be extremely resistant to that so when the six-month anniversary of their arrival on Dorvan hit Annika had woken up before the sun rose and begun packing everything away, Chakotay didn’t argue.

He accepted the professorship at Starfleet Academy while Annika reviewed various offers sent to her over the months, PADDs she had kept hidden away so he wouldn’t see how eager she was to leave the small planet.

So here they were at the end of their leave and honestly Chakotay was excited get back to Earth again maybe some of Annika’s enthusiasm to get back to work had rubbed off on him. He wanted to repair the relationships he’d left behind, and he wanted Seven to have a more stable foundation to build a life and career around.

Chakotay wanted to have dinner with the Paris’ and see how much Miral had grown, to play poker with Ayala, Dalby, and Chell, and show Icheb all his favorite places around campus.

Most of all he wanted to get in contact with Kathryn and maybe join her for lunch if her busy schedule permitted it. If not, they could always chat over a cup of coffee, it would be good to at least try and be friends once again even if they’d never be as close as they once were.

His musings were interrupted when the transporter rooms doors opened, and he saw his statuesque girlfriend already waiting for him on the pad. Joining her Chakotay could tell she was practically shaking with nervous energy so he gently took her hand in his and flashed the signature dimpled smile that had worked so many times on an anxious Kathryn. He was rewarded with a small smile from Annika but still she fidgeted.

‘Hopefully nothing too big has changed.’ Was Chakotay’s last thought before he and Seven dematerialized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday, hopefully this will make the start to your week a little brighter. Overall I'm pretty happy with this chapter and know things can pick up steam, unfortunately I want to torture Chakotay a bit longer.  
> Please kudo and comment, I try and respond to everyone.  
> Confession time: I think my J/C shipping is so bad that every love song I hear I can relate to them. Today I was listening to 'Instant Crush' by Daft Punk feat. Julian Casablancas and I was like this is so J/C.


	4. A thousand words and nothing to say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn does some research and Chakotay stops by.

Kathryn couldn’t sleep and the more she tossed and turned in her high thread count sheets the more sleep seemed to escape her. Turning from the view of her bland ceiling to the San Francisco skyline, she thought about the reason she wasn’t able to sleep.

The admiral reasoned that it might be the dream she’d been having all week, ever since she’d made up her mind to have a baby and actually spoken the words out loud to the Doctor and most of her senior staff.

The dream started off simple enough, Kathryn was sitting in a beautiful garden on a bright sunny day dressed in a graceful powder blue sundress. As she gazed around at the variety of flowers in pinks, purples, and peaches; she would feel a heavy weight in her lap. Looking down she would find the lovely and chubby face of a baby no more than a year old looking up at her with long lashes and rosy cheeks. Dream Kathryn would smile and lean down to kiss the baby’s soft button nose before wrapping her arms around the tiny fragile child. This part of the dream was the best and Kathryn never wanted it to end, feeling the warm sun of her shoulders and her babe snuggled to her chest.

But then just before the admiral woke her dream self would feel a large hand placed on the small of her back and the presence of another body would settle beside her. When she would turn her head to the stranger there would be no one next to her and turning back to her child Kathryn’s lap would be empty.

This dream turned nightmare had shocked Kathryn awake for the last week, a few times she’d begun patting the bed sheets around her looking her lost child before realizing how foolish she must have looked.

Eventually when the redhead got her wits about her she’d blamed the odd dream on the hormones administered by the Doctor.

The same dream had come and gone this night si getting up and wrapping her well worn robe around her, she walked her kitchen’s replicator thankfully Janeway had a better relationship with this one than Voyager’s.

Ordering a bowl of coffee ice cream Kathryn sat in front of her personal terminal, it took her several spoonful’s to even turn the damn thing on.

True to his word the Doctor had made swift work compiling a long list of possible sperm donors from various sperm banks all over Earth and even one on Vulcan. He’d reassured her that each possibility had been properly vetted and a wide variety would be presented in the files.

She’s politely thanked the doctor, uploaded the information, and gone right back to working on negotiation notes for a future meeting with the Andorian’s. It’s not that Kathryn wasn’t excited to look at the list but every time she thought about opening it up memories of the dream stopped her.

_What if she couldn’t pick someone?_

_What if she picked one but conception didn’t take?_

_What if she picked one and the man in her dream wore his face?_

The scientist in her gave all the reasons why these fears were pointless. That of course she would pick one after all the Doctor had provided dozens of files with every detail accounted for, if one implantation didn’t take they would just try again until it worked, and she needed to stop being so silly it was just a dream after all. What mattered in this situation was her baby and herself, not some anonymous man who’d she would never actually meet face to face.

But still in the dead of night, in her own home, with a bowl of melted ice cream in her lap, she couldn’t bring herself to open the files. Instead she turned off her terminal, recycled her late-night snack, and went to bed hoping to dream of something more pleasant. Before she fell asleep Kathryn swore to herself that tomorrow she’d read over the dossiers.

Standing on the grounds of Starfleet headquarters was an incredibly unique feeling for Chakotay which came with a lot of mixed emotions for the older man.

It had already been several days since he and Annika had arrived on Earth although this was the first day he could actually come up for air to enjoy being planet side again. He’d done most of the unpacking for a small townhouse they were renting in New York while Annika had attended meetings with several labs interested in her work.

Today she was spending time with her aunt in Sweden before meeting him for dinner tonight at the Paris’, a dinner Chakotay almost thought wouldn’t happen given that he got the feeling Tom and B’Elanna were angry at him from the tone of the one and only letter they sent him. For the life of him the ex-Maquis couldn’t figure out why he was getting the cold shoulder from the young couple. He hoped that this dinner would be an olive branch back to their good graces.

With Annika away Chakotay decided to stop by Starfleet and get the process of becoming a professor started once more, hopefully it wasn’t too different back when he was part of the faculty though that chapter in his life seemed like an eternity ago.

It was an unusually bright and sunny day as Chakotay stepped out onto the promenade after his morning meeting. A group of cadets jogged past in two orderly columns followed by a disgruntled instructor urging them to push themselves. Small groups of students, officers, and civilians were scattered across the manicured lawn deep in discussion.

It made Chakotay smile and reminisce about his first day as a young green cadet.

Totally in awe of the brilliant minds around him, a young colony boy who felt so backwards given his simple upbringing. By the time he graduated he gained several pounds of muscle, inches in height, the knowledge to say ‘how high’ when ordered to jump, and a devil may care attitude.

Several years passed in which he served on deep space missions before coming back to teach Advanced Tactics. He considered himself an exemplary Starfleet officer, living proof that his father was wrong about clinging to the old traditions.

Then one day his entire life came crashing down as Cardassian’s slaughtered his family and tribe but not before torching the very ground beneath their feet. His worldview of Starfleet as a noble institution was shattered and he’d shouted as much when he flung his combadge across his superior’s oak desk.

Chakotay had to be practically carried off the academy grounds fighting security the entire way. After getting a few punches in the distraught Native American found the nearest bar, got drunk, and proceeded to get into a fistfight with the next guy who even looked at him funny. Lucky for Chakotay while he and the unknown man were trading blows Sveta watched and saw potential. After the fight, hangover, and an inspiration speech from Sveta, he hopped on the nearest ship with the Maquis recruiter and never looked back.

After that it was years of dodging Starfleet, killing any Cardi’s he could get his hands on, and rising through the ranks until he became captain of the Val Jean. Both he and B’Elanna had bonded over the deep rage inside both of them. Each and every one of his crew had a thirst for revenge that pushed them harder, to go faster, and be more ruthless.

And then suddenly it was all gone. There was no more Cardassians with the exception of Seska, Starfleet was decades away, and it was Kathryn Janeway’s job to keep the mismatched crew alive and pointed towards home. It became his job to make sure Kathryn was protected and supported.

Snapping out of his musings Chakotay looked up and across the grounds at the tall imposing building that housed the top brass. In one of those offices his coffee addicted former captain was probably hard at work and if he was correct, ignoring her bodies need for actual sustenance.

 Squaring his shoulders Chakotay took long purposeful strides towards the building. He was a man on a mission afterall.

Kathryn was finally, finally going through the files after spending the morning pacing her office and ignoring Samantha’s concerned looks. Apparently, the information of her impending pregnancy hadn’t reached the blonde ensign yet though Kathryn doubted she wouldn’t know by the end of the day. Maybe Tom Paris was losing his touch as resident gossip than again there wouldn’t be any baby if Kathryn didn’t open the damn files.

With a deep sigh Kathryn Janeway activated the program and started to read.

It took her several minutes to notice that almost 30% of men on the list were listed as deceased. It brought a dark cloud over Kathryn’s mood and she was unsure if she should exclude these men or not. The Dominion War had cost the Federation so many good people both Starfleet and civilian alike that sometimes she wondered how her crew would have faired if they hadn’t been flung across the galaxy.

On the other hand, it might give these men who made the ultimate sacrifice a chance to continue in some small way in the universe not just in memory.

Number 7J had a charming smile that could rival Tom’s, 8D processed the clearest blue eyes Kathryn had ever seen, and she could just imagine her child having wavy raven hair that 2E sported.

After some deliberation she decided not to exclude the dead men from the list although that sounded really morbid in her head. If she did end up choosing one she promised herself to do more research into what type of man he was when alive, it would be an interesting story to tell her child when he or she was old enough.

After that was decided Janeway noticed another pattern in the list although this one was more annoying than sad. When the doctor had handed her the list, he had gone on and on about how hard he worked on the list, how he’d considered her own personal tastes, and how each candidate was the absolute optimal specimen in health. He’d failed to mention some had been the picture of health until they’d died but Kathryn had tuned the doctor by that point.

Now she could see that a number of the potential donors shared characteristics namely in the physical department. A vast majority of them were over 1.9 meters in height, with athletic muscular body types. Of that even more had skin tones of a deep tan complexion, very few had her own Irish paleness

Before she could ask the computer about how many had ‘boxing’ listed in their extracurriculars, her door chimed. Glancing at the chronometer she saw that she had spent almost two hours looking at the list. Samantha must have gone to lunch already so shelving the fact that she’d have to lecture a certain nosy hologram for later, Kathryn bid her unknown guest to enter.

“Chakotay!” She practically jumped out of her seat and to smooth over the awkward motion made she way to the replicator “This is quite the surprise…coffee?”

Her former first officer held up his hands in a placating gesture, he’d known her long enough to see through her confidant facade or maybe it had become lax in the months they’d spent apart.

“I was hoping to catch you today…hopefully this isn’t a bad time?” He gently inquired while nodding at her offer.

“Two coffees, hot, one black and one with cream and sugar.” Kathryn ordered before turning back to Chakotay with their drinks. She nodded to the stylish but practical Starfleet couch in the corner where they could sit and chat.

After they were seated she almost jumped right back up, she’d left the list of sperm donors open on her desk. Settling back down she reasoned that she would just have to make sure Chakotay didn’t see the screen.

“No not a bad time my doors always open to any of Voyager’s crew.” Kathryn had meant for that to sound reassuring but from his wince she could tell she’d failed so instead she fiddled with her steaming mug.

Chakotay tried not to let the fact that his captain saw him just as former crew hurt too much but still they’d been best friends once and at one or two points in their journey maybe almost something more but before he could dwell on such thoughts he decided to change the subject.

“Well good although I should tell you that I rang your door time twice before you granted me entry it was most un-admiral-like.” Chakotay had to keep from laughing as Kathryn’s blue eyes widened in shock. It was strange the Kathryn Janeway he knew had a better handle on her facial expression, pretty much wearing her legendary captain’s face of steel 24/7 in the last years of their journey. Maybe her time on Earth was giving her a chance to relax and just be Kathryn.

“Oh uh sorry I was…engrossed in a new project.” She had to resist turning to look back at the terminal.

“It’s alright Kathryn is it something top secret or…?” the former Maquis let the question hang as he took a sip from his coffee, although he couldn’t help noticing Kathryn hadn’t touch hers.

“No not secret…just this project is in it’s early stages and a special but important position needs to be…filled so I’m looking over candidates.” The redhead explained but was purposefully vague. She stared down into the rich brown coffee unable to look into the rich brown eyes of her former first officer.

There were a few moments of awkward silence as neither person knew what to say.

‘ _Is this what’s become of the two of us_?’ Chakotay couldn’t help wondering. He remembered being in her quarters after a long shifts and enjoying dinners filled with easy conversation, glasses of wine, and laughter. Over the years there’d even been the barest brushes of knees and fingers that they’d never commented on but not shied away from either.

Now they were riding a fine line between former colleagues and strangers. Could seven years of hardships, running for their lives, discovering new species and phenomena, and laughing at all the mishaps be erased after six months apart?

“Well I hope it goes well for you, but I actually stopped by for a different reason.” Finding he couldn’t keep still the tall man got up and made his was over to the tall clear windows over looking the bay. As he gazed out across the blue Pacific waters he noted that this was a view worthy of a Starfleet admiral.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go to lunch either today or-” Chakotay didn’t get to finish because as he turned back around he witnessed the tail end of Kathryn scurrying around her desk and flicking off her terminal. Very un-Janewaylike but what was exactly his Kathryn’s behavior was the way she was blocking his view with her hands on her hips, back arrow straight, and strong chin tilted up as if asking to be challenged.

“Lunch sounds great, I think I might have an hour or two open next week.” Kathryn tried to appear nonchalant raising a small, delicate hand to pat Chakotay’s upper arm though she definitely was not going to think about how it felt like he’d gained a lot muscle working on Trebus. “You can tell me all about your vacation with Seven then and you know any future plans.”

The Native American man could tell Kathryn was trying to get him to leave in the politest way possible although he had to give her credit, on Voyager she’d usually given a curt ‘dismissed’ followed by dead silence. So, deciding not to fight her on this, he made his way to the door with long strides while she followed, a complete switch up from their old command dynamic.

Chakotay stopped short of the open doorway causing the much shorter woman to bump into his broad back. Pivoting back around he looked down at Kathryn Janeway, the picture-perfect Starfleet officer and couldn’t help noticing how small and nervous she seemed almost eager to get him to leave.

“Kathryn I really am glad to be back because it feels like we’re finally building a future and hopefully that future includes that two of us being close friends again.” He didn’t want to stretch his luck, but he couldn’t help flashing the dimples, banking on them to lift her mood.

The gamble payed off as she smiled up at him, the first real smile she’d given him since he’d dropped in, before clearing her throat, “Y-Yes you’re right Chakotay our futures are looking brighter with each passing day and…we’ll have a lot to discuss over lunch next week, I’ll send you a message with the details alright?”

And with that they exchanged simple goodbyes and Chakotay walked off, out of the building, straight through campus, and towards the public transporter without looking back. He had a little bit of time to get ready before meeting Annika at the Paris’ for dinner.

Kathryn watched him go from her office window trying to sort through the wave of emotion his sudden visit had brought up.

She recycled the two coffee’s, his almost done while hers remained full and then settled into her office chair. Things were strange between the two, words were impossible to grasp even just to make casual chit chat.

She felt stiff and tense around Chakotay where not such a long time ago his larger frame made her feel protected and invincible.

Then there was the fact that he’d almost saw the list, not that he’d be able to tell from such a quick glance. The potential donor data wasn’t much different from recruitment dossiers Starfleet regularly used. But Kathryn just wasn’t comfortable sharing that information with anyone just yet especially Chakotay and to a lesser extent Seven.

Although the thought of having lunch with him next week made her smile as Janeway packed up for the day.

Maybe she’d be less nervous when they sat down and talked and ate just like the old days. And then she’d feel more confident in telling him she was having a baby after all Chakotay wanted to be close friends once more.

Close friends were happy for each other when they talked about the future like having children and getting married. Even though the thought of Chakotay and Seven tying the knot made Kathryn want to rip her hair out and dissolve into a puddle of tears, feelings she blamed solely on the high level of fertility hormones coursing through her body. If the couple decided to get married she would have to grin and bear it, wishing them a long and happy union.

Surely when she broke the news of her planned pregnancy Chakotay would be over the moon for her, if she used the phrase Tom taught her correctly. He might even insist on being called ‘Uncle Chakotay’ and offer his and Seven’s support.

_‘Maybe if I ask him nicely I can get him to craft a crib for the nursery.'_ And with that thought Kathryn Janeway practically walked on air the entire journey home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive bitches!!!  
> But for real the reason this chapter took so long is partly because I was playing Stardew Valley and partly I was struggling with how Chakotay and Kathryn would interact, dialogue is not my strong suit.  
> But I've pushed past the writers block and am ready to start on the next part.  
> Will Chakotay be cool with Kathryn having a baby? You decide!(but seriously I'll decide)  
> Leave a comment, kudos, and bookmark if you want. I respond to every comment and I hope you like the story so far.


	5. Chapter 5: Glitter and Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn contemplates being a mother and a dinner party happens.

Kathryn Janeway sat on an old weathered bench in the middle of Golden Gate Park cradling a cup of black coffee and studied a PADD under the harsh glare of the sun. In the circuits of the device were the profiles of the top three candidates for her possible sperm donor.

She’d spent an entire week going over each and every male on the list and after many long hours of reading all of the information, reading the same paragraph over and over so many times her head had started to spin, she’d been able to narrow down her preferences to these three.

Kathryn had toyed with the idea of letting her mother and Phoebe take a look at the list but that was quickly scrapped because those two were the most opinionated people Kathryn had even known.

She realized that was a bit like the pot calling the kettle black, but it was still the truth. She could still remember days where Phoebe would be an hour late for school because she couldn’t pick the perfect pair of shoes to match her outfit. No, this choice had to be hers and hers alone as much as she loved her mother and sister.

As the list got shorter and shorter it became easier for her to visualize the baby in her mind’s eye which eventually led Kathryn down the path of what kind of mother she would be. The baby would be perfect no matter what she had no doubt, but would Kathryn Janeway be a perfect mommy?

‘ _Now that’s an interesting thought_ ’ Kathryn took a moment to look up at the happy families milling around the park, enjoying one of the last days of summer. ‘ _I’ve been called a lot of things, but mommy was never one of them’_

Many of her former crew and several of her fellow admirals would argue that she’d mothered one hundred and fifty Fleeters and Maquis over the course of seven years but this time it’d be different.

She knew one thing for sure and that was she didn’t want to parent like her father. His frequent absences during her childhood had driven Kathryn to try and be the very best mostly just to get his approval.

Although she had built a career of which to be proud of off the desire to make her father happy it’d had come with loss, depression, and loneliness. Losing him and Justin at the same time had almost been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Although she loved her father dearly and she would forever be his Golden Bird, Kathryn wanted to be there for every scrapped knee, every story before bedtime, and every first day of school.

Her mother had done a wonderful job for all of Admiral Edward Janeway’s absences. She’d been tough but fair and one had to be raising two girls who were as opposite as Kathryn and Phoebe. Gretchen had been a shoulder to cry on, a wonderful cook, and balanced the workload of a mathematics professor to boot.

Kathryn would be amazed if she became half the parent Gretchen Janeway was but as her list got smaller she grew more and more afraid.

The Delta Quadrant had changed her and made her a different person, she had no doubt it’d changed a lot of the crew for better and for worse.

 Harry was a more self-assured Starfleet officer, Tom went from smug criminal to doting father and loyal friend, B’Elanna held such inner conflict in the beginning but became a confident engineer and mother, Seven found humanity after a lifetime of servitude.

And Chakotay once filled with rage at both Cardassian’s and the Fleet became a protector and a best friend, her angry warrior.

The lack of excited voices snapped Kathryn out of her inner musings and glancing around she became aware that the once bright blue sky had darkened with ominous gray clouds and the large crowds of people had left her sitting all alone with a cold coffee.

The petit admiral decided to pack up and get back to her office before she was caught in the inevitable downpour.

As she walked out of the park and in the direction of Starfleet HQ Kathryn continued to wonder what kind of person she’d become.

She was no longer the woman from before she’d entered the Delta Quadrant that was for sure. That had been Captain Kathryn Janeway, a confident officer who believed in the rule of law and following orders.

She was proud fiancée to Mark and although she’d been reluctant to set a date for the wedding, that Kathryn had loved him. Mark was safe, a dear friend, and he provided stability which with the uncertainty of a Starfleet officers life she desperately needed. Unfortunately, that stability didn’t last a 75,000 light year distance.

When she’d received his letter on Voyager explaining his marriage after thinking she was dead, Kathryn had been hurt but a larger part of herself had been relieved. Her Mark deserved to be happy and he was with his wife and son, he’d even taken care of Molly and her puppies.

Oh, how she’d missed Molly the lovable goofball, Kathryn could still remember the late nights she’d spent going over paperwork while absentmindedly petting Molly’s soft furry head in her lap. Mark had offered to return her after the debriefings, but Kathryn had declined, the Irish setter had a young boy to look after now no need for an old admiral in a lonely apartment.

Then there was the Captain Janeway of the Delta Quadrant. The unfathomable leader of Voyager tasked with shepherding her crew home through hostile space and the vast unknown.

In the beginning it’d had been a daunting task but also exciting in rare moments to stroke her ego she’d imagined herself as Captain Kirk exploring in her own Enterprise but as the years wore on, Kathryn just became so…tired.

There had been extremely happy times some of the best in her life in fact, but there’d also been hard days, when someone died, the guilt and loneliness became too much, or her moral foundation had almost crumbled.

The Void, Species 8472/the Borg, and the Equinox came to mind.

Some nights she’d woken up in a cold sweat and wandered the halls of her silent ship.

In those moments Kathryn had looked out the port windows into the endless stretch of stars and wondered if the only thing keeping her from stepping out the airlock was the next cup of coffee. Eventually she’d go back to bed to face another shift of challenges.

Kathryn had also found a love she couldn’t fulfill on the other side of the galaxy.

A brief flash of Chakotay’s face entered her mind before she pushed it away. He’d stuck by her side through thick and thin so much so that sometimes it felt like he was the only thing keeping her head above water.

It hadn’t been easy, there were some days where they had argued until both of their voices were sore, and they would part giving each other the cold shoulder for days on end.

These fights were more frequent in the later years, but the captain and first officer would do their duties to ship and crew no matter what.

And when the time was right privately Kathryn and Chakotay would come together again. Forgiveness came in the form of a hand on his arm or an invitation to share dinner in her quarters.

Then one day not even after an argument she’d invited him to dinner and he’d declined. Chakotay had left her behind and Kathryn didn’t even know it, not until her future self-had shown up.  

But through all of the adventures both amazing and horrible she’d never stopped loving him. Kathryn could at least admit that to herself now if not to Chakotay. She wasn’t even sure at what point in their journey she’d fallen in love with him, when his tattooed face had appeared on the view screen or when they’d been stranded on their own paradise of New Earth.

Kathryn sometimes felt as if she’d always been in love with Chakotay. It was hard to explain even to herself, but it seemed like her heart had just been waiting for the Maquis rebel and it’d been agony to always keep him at arm’s length.

Now it was a deep seeded ache only soothed by distance and a pain she was trying to let go of.

Kathryn flinched as the first droplets of rain hit her cheek and before she knew it Kathryn Janeway was soaking wet.

Her fingers twitched to tap her commbadge and order a site to site transport directly to her office, but she squished it down. She was only a block away after all and the rain felt refreshing as if it were washing away her dark thoughts.

Maybe just maybe she could become another Kathryn here in the Alpha Quadrant while her body changed to grow a new life she could work on making a new Kathryn. A mix of Kathryn Janeway from seven almost eight years ago, the Delta Quadrant Kathryn, and who she was now.

Just the thought opened so many doors and so many possibilities that it was hard to focus on just one.

Like getting a dog and a bigger house with a great big garden for her child and dog to run around in. She could just picture in now, definitely an older dog, Kathryn wasn’t sure she could handle both a newborn and a puppy. A big fluffy mutt with chocolate brown eyes that she could never stay mad at even after discovering her chewed on Starfleet boots.

She’d also plan to spend more time with Voyager’s crew not just the odd letter or comm chat but actual real-life reunions where Miral and baby Janeway could play together while the adults partied into the wee hours. They’d drink to the fact that they’d never have to eat leola root again and fight back tears when Kes or lost crewmembers were brought up.

She could learn to actually relax and take a vacation once in a while something that was so completely foreign to workaholic Admiral Janeway but right now sounded perfect to Kathryn. Maybe when the baby was old enough they’d visit Vulcan or Trebus, from the letters Chakotay sent her it seemed like a wonderful place to bring a child.

Speaking of the Native American man today might be a turning point for her and Chakotay’s friendship hopefully for the better. She was scheduled to have lunch with her former first officer turned professor and Kathryn was honestly looking forward to it. When he’d stopped by her office last week it been jarring but now she was better prepared and had a headful of ideas.

As the petite redhead ordered the turbolift up to her office Kathryn once more went over the three dossiers on her personal PADD.

Maybe over eggplant parmesan she could show Chakotay the names and go over her pregnancy plan with him. On Voyager she’d always trusted his sound advice…well almost always but this was hardly a life or death scenario.

He might even give her a new perspective on which one she should choose.

“Hello Samantha, forgive the puddles.” Kathryn greeted her blonde yeoman before shucking off her uniforms jacket and placing it in a small tucked away closet beside Ensign Wildman’s desk.

“Oh…um Admiral w-welcome back.” Samantha jumped up from her seat and started collecting the various PADDs around the outer office. “C-Commander Chakotay is in your office.”

“Oh he’s a bit early I hope he doesn’t mind if I dry off first.” Janeway joked but raised an eyebrow at Samantha’s fidgeting behavior.

Before Kathryn could inquire as to what had the younger woman so spooked Samantha requested to go home early. Apparently, Naomi’s school had messaged and informed her the half-Ktarian half-Human was running a fever.

Janeway had barely granted the young mother permission before Samantha was out the door but not before the blonde woman had shot one last perplexing look at Kathryn’s sealed office door.

The redhead wasn’t sure if Samantha was just worried about Naomi or maybe had Chakotay said something to send the ensign running.

‘ _Impossible’_ Kathryn brushed the thought aside as she walked into her office ready to have a pleasant lunch with her best friend.

_*One Week Earlier*_

This was the most relaxed Seven had been in months from what Chakotay observed across the Paris’ dining room table.

The main course had been devoured and the dinner party had switched to a much more laid-back atmosphere as cheesecake and coffee were served, Annika was already on her second slice. She’d even let out a small laugh at a cheesy joke Tom told about Orion Slave girls.

When the couple had first arrived, it had been a bit awkward to say the least as if the four friends didn’t quite know how to greet each other after the time spent apart.

B’Elanna had taken their coats while Tom cradled a fussy Miral close to his chest. When Chakotay had held his large hands out to hold the six-month-old, Miral had turned away and buried her chubby face into her father’s neck for comfort.

“Oh sorry she’s just a little shy around strang-“the pilot caught himself but it was too late. “well she’s just a little shy and cranky.”

Even though Tom had tried to cushion the blow it had still stung, Chakotay was a stranger to Miral. Thankfully B’Elanna had shown up at just the right moment to break the tension.

“Can you believe it Tom and I producing a child that is in anyway shy?” the engineer joked before taking her daughter upstairs to be put to bed much to the baby’s chagrin. Chakotay had watched them leave from the bottom of the staircase while Seven updated Tom on Icheb’s academic success.

The rest of the evening had gone smoothly as the couples began catching up. Seven and B’Elanna got into a spirited discussion about the new engines the half-Klingon was designing for Starfleet while he and Tom commiserated over how idiotic young pilots could be while conveniently leaving out the fact that not so long ago they were the young idiot pilots.

Soon the discussion flowed to Seven and Chakotay’s time on Trebus and what they’d gotten up to on the distant colony.

Chakotay had gone into depth about how the rebuilding was steadily moving along thanks in no small part to his sister’s tireless dedication and that he and Seven had both worked to improve life for his tribe.

He omitted the parts where he and Annika had drifted apart over the months and they’d returned to Earth partly for her comfort and partly to avoid a huge blow up between them. This was all left unspoken between the Native American man and former drone, but it was bubbling just below the surface.

Chakotay reached across the table as he explained how his tribe was progressing to grasp her hand and when he met Seven’s gaze the older man noticed the rather perplexed look on her angular face.

The trademark Seven of Nine head tilt was on full display and the rest of the dinner party turned their attention to her waiting because everyone at the table was very familiar with the look.

“My time on Chakotay’s colony was an enlightening experience but I’m unsure if I’d like a repeat visit.” A Seven of only last year would have given a much blunter answer but everyone understood that the statuesque blonde had hated it.

“Therefore, I find the adjustment to Earth and being closer to Voyager’s crew a more…pleasant change.” Seven continued before Chakotay could question why she hadn’t liked Trebus although he already knew the answers.

“Oh, there will certainly be a lot of change in the next few months…” Tom muttered but unfortunately not quietly enough as all eyes turned toward him. Seven and Chakotay’s were inquisitive but B’Elanna looked like she wanted to wrap her hands around his throat.

“What do you mean Lieutenant?” Questioned Chakotay in his best command voice, a little rusty but still effective.

“Ummm well…y-y-you guys haven’t heard?” The ace pilot was switching back and forth struggling to find a place to fix his nervous gaze before finally landing on his disgruntled wife.

“No, we have not been informed of anything new since our return.” Seven supplied leaning forward eager to hear information about Voyagers crew, Chakotay couldn’t help noticing she looked more excited now than she had for the past few months, but he brushed it aside as he thought back to his earlier conversation with Kathryn.

‘ _Surely she would have told me any big news.’_ The Native American assumed not taking his critical eye off Paris, now sweating bullets. ‘ _Maybe it’s to do with her special project?’_

The sudden chime of the front door opening caused the entire table to jump and allowed poor Tom to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Hey sorry to barge in on you guys but I wanted to drop some stuff off before I shipped out.” The carefree voice of Harry Kim carried down from the hall.

A small cry from upstairs informed everyone that Miral had been woken up by their unexpected guest.

B’Elanna huffed and got up from the table to retrieve her cranky offspring although Tom swore he saw a pleased glimmer in her eye, glad to escape the tense moment.

The former ensign marched into the room with two huge bags under each arm. He stopped up short noticing Seven and Chakotay sitting among the dirty plants and empty coffee mugs.

“Oh hello Commander Chakotay…hello Seven…hope you don’t mind a plus one.” Harry offered placing the large bags on the table just as B’Elanna returned with a very sleepy Miral. The baby happily cooed when she noticed her Uncle Harry was present.

“Hello pretty girl sorry for ruining your sleepy time.” Harry apologized stroking her little forehead ridges gently and struggle to keep a blush off his face as he used baby talk in front of the other.

“It’s alright Harry, it’s good to see you before you left on the…Jefferson was it?” Chakotay supplied although both he and Seven were both more interested in what Harry had brought over than with the lieutenant’s new assignment was. The former Borg already craning her lone elegant neck to peek inside.

“Yes, sir and well I know I’m jumping the phaser a bit, but I couldn’t resist buying some stuff after all I might be neck deep in the Beta Quadrant when he or she is born!” Mr. Kim explained totally missing the frantic _‘quit it’_ hand gestures his best friend was performing behind everyone’s back.

Harry dug around in one of the stuffed bags before pulling out an article of clothing to present to the eager audience.

Chakotay had been rather excited when Harry Kim had shown up.

Mostly because a long overdue argument with Annika had been narrowly avoided in front of their closest friends.

When Harry mentioned someone being born the First Officers intrigue only grew but Miral was only six months old much too soon for Tom and B’e to have another child.

Chakotay instantly started thinking of female members of the crew that might be expecting. Samantha Wildman, Susan Nicolette, Tal Celes, either of the Delaney sisters, Gilmore, or maybe Lang?

As Harry held up the tiny baby onesie Chakotay noted that it was much too small to even fit Miral, who was being rocked by her mother at the moment.

But nothing was more glaringly obvious than what was proudly embossed on the soft fabric in glittery gold cursive letters around a design of the USS Voyager, Harry must have gotten it specially made.

_‘My Mommy is a Starfleet Admiral’_

As Chakotay absorbed the words he felt Seven’s dainty hand leave his or perhaps he’d been the one to let go.

Chakotay’s mind kept repeating the phrase over and over again as a silence fell over the room.

_‘My Mommy is a Starfleet Admiral’_

_‘My Mommy is a Starfleet Admiral’_

_‘My Mommy is a Starfleet Admiral’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So one shoe has dropped just waiting on the other.  
> My dudes this chapter was actually really interesting to write, I didn't expect to write Kathryn so introspective but it kind of just came out. Again keep in mind that this is a story about renewal or maybe rebirth is a better term. This will in no way be Kathryn replacing the love she can't have for chuckles with a baby.  
> Next chapter will most likely have some strong language in it (gotta earn my M rating somehow)
> 
> So kudos, comment, share, or do whatever. I have absolutely no control over well anything. Also I've been reading some of these kinktober fics and I'm sooo jealous.


	6. Best Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven of Nine does some thinking while Chakotay and Kathryn "talk"

Seven of Nine was not an idiot in fact she could confidently say that depending on where she was in the Alpha quadrant at any given moment she was the smartest humanoid within a hundred light years.

That being said Seven still struggled to understand human behavior and motivation, although she had grown in leaps and bounds since the removal of her emotional suppressor.

Like how part of her knew that she should insist on being called Annika but being addressed as Seven of Nine brought a certain comfort.

Seven of Nine was a valued member of a respected starship; Annika Hansen still felt like a scared little girl hiding from monsters.

That was partly why she had entered into an intimate relationship with Commander Chakotay to teach her about being more in tune with humanity including the more romantic and sexual aspects of it. The other reason being was that he was the most optimal male partner while aboard Voyager showcasing many desirable qualities.

The older Native American man had agreed to form a romantic partnership without much coaxing. He expressed enthusiasm in showing her new ways of thinking and never showed exasperation at her endless questions.

Commander Chakotay had many fine qualities such as a gentle nature, learned wisdom, and an inner strength few possessed. He also had certain personal goals that Seven was beginning to doubt they shared.

So, Seven of Nine was no moron and knew from the moment Lieutenant Kim presented the infant garment that Chakotay was troubled. Not so much that one of Voyager’s own was having offspring but the person having said offspring.

The pair had left soon after with quick goodbyes and no questions although Seven planned to get answers at a later date. She already had a rough idea of what questions she would send on to Lieutenant Torres when the timing was more convenient.

The journey back to their apartment had been silent and the few glances Seven took of Chakotay always had him staring off into the distance, dark eyes taking in something her superior Borg vision couldn’t.

After preparing for bed Seven decided on a new course of action.

She attempted to engage in sexual relations with Chakotay. An activity that he had always participated in with great relish but this time he waved her off.

_“Not tonight Seven I have a headache.”_

He had weakly given his excuse and so the two of them had laid down and stared at the ceiling for approximately 6.49 minutes until Chakotay heaved himself out of bed, dressed in his boxing gear and left the apartment, mumbling that he’d missed his workout earlier.

A fallacy that Seven didn’t bother refuting instead she retreated to her regeneration chamber for the night.

The main door logs would later reveal that he didn’t return home until 0300.

They met again for breakfast the following morning and made polite small talk about the day’s plans over toast and granola. If it had even been one year earlier the former drone would have pointed out the bags under his eyes and the deep purple bruises on his callused knuckles and expected a prompt answer.

Instead she does nothing and goes to interview with more employment opportunities.

And that’s how their week goes; they get up and eat breakfast together before parting ways.

She spends most days researching and talking to others about her Delta Quadrant findings; the representative from the Vulcan Science Academy makes a compelling argument for why she should join them.

Chakotay spends his time catching up with Voyagers old crew, many are still Earthbound including former Maquis with most waiting on new assignments from Starfleet. He also works on lesson plans, eager to put his knowledge of distant alien cultures to good use. Or at least that’s what Chakotay tells Seven he’s been doing.

She and Chakotay get through silent dinners and she halfheartedly tries to instigate intercourse which he always he rebuffs.

“ _I’m tired Annika.”_

_“Not tonight okay?”_

_“Sorry I just have a lot on my mind.”_

Honestly Seven of Nine is thankful for the time apart to think. On Trebus she was surrounded by Chakotay not only the man himself but also his culture, people, and belief system.

She’d been comfortable on Voyager and with her new budding relationship so when Chakotay had suggested they visit his colony Seven had agreed without much thought, something wholly uncharacteristic of her.

When they’d actually arrived, the former drone was unsettled by the lack of technology and although Chakotay had explained that his people chose to live in the old traditions Seven had a hard time relating to this lifestyle.

She relied on tech not only to complete daily tasks but also to simply continue living and the Doctor had informed her that she would require some implants until the day she died.

Although she was polite and his tribe responded in kind there was no real connection that she was sure Chakotay desired to foster.

When he had attempted to connect her with her spirit guide, Seven had spent the entire session picking apart the scenario mostly because she found the exercise pointless. After an hour Chakotay had brought it to an end with a disappointed look on his face.

Now Seven was free to consider her options on Earth and she was but still the idea of Captain or rather Admiral Janeway’s condition kept coming to the forefront of her mind. It took a few days but finally while recalibrating her regeneration unit she realized what emotion she was feeling.

**Jealousy**

Not at how Chakotay reacted to the news but at the very fact that Kathryn Janeway was having a child to begin with.

On Voyager Seven had sought guidance about the deeper meaning of what it meant to be human from the Captain when the Doctor in all his holographic wisdom failed.

They played hoverball on the holodeck, debated scientific and mathematical theory’s, and discussed ways to overcome Seven’s lack of understanding from a human perspective.

Most of the crew had compared the two women’s relationship to a mother-daughter one and Seven had never dissuaded such talk.

But now the red headed admiral would have her own child, one that would grow inside her and would be of her own DNA. Perhaps it would even be a little girl that Kathryn Janeway could nurture and love.

Would Janeway have time for Seven of Nine any more in between diaper changings and bedtime stories?

Was it selfish of Seven for even thinking about this?

It brought forth a memory Seven of Nine had catalogued but never analyzed in great detail until this week.

It was late in gamma shift and Seven was stopping by sickbay to drop off reports for the ships newly liberated Borg children for the doctor.

He needed as much information as possible to properly care for them and Seven had been willing to provide as much data as she could even though childrearing wasn’t her forte.

The doors had opened and instead of the Doctor puttering around, Seven had come across Captain Janeway rocking the Borg baby back and forth in her arms, whispering gentle words that even Seven with her advanced hearing couldn’t make out.

Seven had quickly retreated so as not to disturb the two but the expression on the Captains pale face had stuck with her, it’d been so melancholic.

“Miss. Hansen are you ready?” the voice of the Starfleet officer sent to escort her to the interview broke her inner monologue.

“Yes of course please lead the way.”

The tall statuesque blonde stood and walked after the ensign.

Much needed to change in her life of that Seven was certain.

Chakotay had spent the past week preparing for the upcoming semester and visiting friends from Voyager. At least that’s what it looked like to any casual observer and that’s what he told his girlfriend he was doing.

In reality the former Maquis leader had been in a constant state of unease and all over one simple concept.

That Kathryn Janeway was going to have a baby.

After he and Seven had left the Paris’ and he couldn’t shake the thought from his head, Chakotay had packed his gym bag and rushed to the first 24-hour gym with a halfway decent boxing set up.

His large hands had been shaking that entire time he taped them up and he didn’t even bother with gloves.

The boxer had approached the sandbag and began to work out his frustrations.

_Why hadn’t Kathryn told him when they’d met that afternoon?_

**_*Smack*_ **

_Why did everyone on the crew seem to know before him?_

**_*Wham*_ **

_Weren’t they supposed to be best friends?_

**_*Bang*_ **

_Who was the father?_

**_*Thud*_ **

_Why did Chakotay care so much?_

**_*Crack*_ **

These thoughts and many more rushed through his mind as Chakotay abused the poor gym equipment. He’d eventually gone home in the wee morning hour drenched in sweat and with the knowledge that if he’d hit the bag one more time his bones would have broken.

This became the routine for the next week and thankfully Seven didn’t comment on it.

The only thing worse were the visuals his overactive mind came up with.

Kathryn laying on a biobed and staring in wonder as the EMH showed her the first visual of the fetus growing inside her.

Her lopsided grin as she went through a long list of baby names in her office. Her forehead would crinkle in a certain way when she read one she knew was all wrong for her baby but her deep blue eyes would shine when she found the perfect one. Of course, she would change her mind the very next day and have to go through the whole list again.

Kathryn relaxing in bed with the covers kicked off and, on her side, because it’s the only comfortable position for her rounded belly. Her jumping slightly before resting a gentle comforting hand on her stomach when the baby kicks.

It was just a long list of imagery that Chakotay couldn’t get out of his head no matter how many times or how hard he punched the bag. Even switching to holographic Cardassians and Klingons didn’t help.

They only got worse as Chakotay’s traitor of a brain morphed the visions to include some unknown man.

Kissing her forehead as they examined the ultrasounds together, bouncing names off her, resting his palm on her stomach when the babe kicked, and grasping her hand when the labor pains became too much.

Chakotay had a gut instinct that these visions would become full fledged nightmares unless he went to bed fully exhausted and so that’s what he did night after night after night.

He knew he’d have to confront Kathryn about this at their scheduled lunch but now here he was in her office surrounded by her scent and his mind was in a million different places.

He’d even snapped rather harshly at poor Sam Wildman when he stormed in, totally out of character with his normal calm and gentle manner that he’d developed on Voyager.

Right now, he had his back to the door as he gazed out over the admirals hard won view although it was dampened by the gloomy skies and fat rain drops.

“Chakotay sorry if you’ve been waiting long unfortunately I got caught in the rain.” Came Kathryn’s smooth voice behind him as she moved across the room to enter her personal washroom and exiting not a split second later with a small terry cloth towel to dry her hair.

“No not long I was just thinking about some news I heard recently.” Chakotay turned his head slightly to look at the petite red head out of the corner of his eye.

“Oh, is it about Admiral Hayes retirement because I can tell you right now that man will be in Starfleet terrifying poor ensigns long after you and I have left this mortal realm.” Her voice was muffled under the towel, but it was strange not to hear a responding chuckle to her comment, not even a halfhearted one.

Looking up she came face to face with a Chakotay she’d never seen before.

Gone was the strong, self-assured, and relaxed man from seven days ago. Her former first officer looked so worn out. Dark bags stood out against his tan skin, some silver strands had started to pop up in his thick black hair, and although he still had same tall muscular frame probably even more so now after months of manual labor on Trebus, Chakotay seemed smaller somehow.

While Kathryn was doing a mental evaluation Chakotay was doing the exact same to her. Last week he’d been so caught up in his own happiness he hadn’t taken in his best friend’s appearance.

Her hair had grown longer over the past several months since they’d arrived home, now sitting past her collarbone but it was still the deep red that he liked to admire when it caught the right light on the bridge. Her skin held the same pale tone but gone was the gauntness that came with running a ship on black coffee and sheer will alone. Kathryn was back to a healthy weight that filled out her new uniform in the all the right places thanks to regular meals. And there was just a certain softness to his former captain like all her troubles had lifted away, her step was lighter, voice held more emotion, and blue eyes sparkled like he hadn’t seen in years not since New Earth even.

All in all, Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway looked happy and beautiful.

“No, it was about you actually Kathryn.”

“Oh…I see…may I ask who told you?”

“It really doesn’t matter but what does is why you didn’t tell me yourself?”

‘ _Ahh so there it was.’_ Kathryn thought as she casually tossed the damp towel on her office sofa before squaring her shoulders.

There had been three things Kathryn wanted to do since she had begun the Doctors hormone treatments.

Fight, fuck, and cry.

The need had been almost constant for two weeks but her fingers this morning had helped tamp down the raging horniness and she’d already fixed the weepiness on the walk over.

So, if Commander Chakotay wanted to fight she sure as hell was going to give him one.

“I didn’t know I was meant to regal you with every aspect of my personal life Commander.”

“Oh, cut the crap Kathryn! Friends tell each other things like this especially best friends.”

“Are we Chakotay?!”

“Are we what Kathryn…?”

“Are we really best friends? What since we got home has given you that impression?”

At this Chakotay was silent as they both thought about the last year aboard Voyager in which they argued more, the missed lunches/dinners, and just the mental distance they put between each other.

“Don’t pin this all on me Kathryn, I tried, I wrote to you these past months and what I’d get in return. One or two small messages not worth the subspace traffic.”

“Those weren’t personal letters, those were cookie cutter newsletters letting everybody know how much fun you and Seven were having frolicking around on Trebus…so long Voyager thanks so the memories!”

“Oh! So that’s it you’re bitter about my relationship with Annika, is that it Kathryn is this some big stunt to get my attention well you have it!”

As his large finger came up to point in her face Kathryn realized just how close the two of them had gotten, Chakotay’s large frame dwarfing hers. Kathryn could see the veins in Chakotay’s neck pulsating and his broad shoulders tighten as the two glared at each other inches apart.

_‘Did my fingers really do a good enough job this morning’_ The much smaller woman couldn’t help but wonder.

She needed to get in control of the situation and fast before she gave into the growing urge to slap Chakotay upside his big square head or kiss his stupid, gorgeous lips.

Skirting around the Native man she smacked the PADD with the final three on her desk before placing her hands on her hips for another round.

God how she missed the uniforms with command red shoulders, these grey ones just didn’t cut it. Although it was satisfying to watch Chakotay swivel around to continue their argument…perhaps she was still a little bitter.

“This isn’t some little stunt for me Chakotay, I confided in you years ago that I wanted to have children.” She held up a dainty finger as he started to open his mouth, “and lizard ones most definitely don’t count…in fact I’m at least 75% certain I’m the one who impregnated Tom in that whole fiasco.”

Not even the hint of a smile.

He had to concede that first part to her though, just after Kathryn had received her Dear John letter from Mark the idea of becoming a generational ship had been brought up by him and she had to back away hiding behind protocol that having a relationship and family was a luxury the captain couldn’t afford. It’d been back in the days when he still held hope they could be something more.

“But why now Kathryn after all these years?” His tone still held a bite to it, but he was truly curious.

“Why not now Chakotay?” She fixed him with a harsh glare not yet ready to give up the fight. “I’m a Starfleet Admiral, not halfway across the galaxy, my mother and sister are just a transporter trip away, the Voyager crew doesn’t need me to look after them like a mother hen, and I’m not getting any younger…so if I want to have a baby it has to be now.”

He wanted to refute her claims but how could he, they were all very solid points. Instead he rubbed the bridge of his nose in a desperate attempt to relieve a tension headache that was slowly building behind his eyeballs.

“Just answer me one thing Kathryn who is the father hmmm?” the unspoken thought of _‘and why isn’t the father me?’_ hung in the back of Chakotay’s mind, this time Kathryn was the one struggling to come up with an answer.

Watching her squirm under his scrutiny spoke volumes and his anger was reignited.

“Don’t tell me high and mighty Ice Queen Kathryn Janeway got knocked up from a one-night stand?!” as soon as the words left his mouth Chakotay regretted them from the very bottom of his soul.

“GET OUT!” Kathryn’s fists slammed into her desk causing everything on top to wobble. “You don’t know anything about Robert Muir so stop sticking your fucking nose in my business Chakotay!”

“Fine you know what Kathryn fine! I guess what we had on Voyager is gone so you live your life and I’ll get on with mine.” And with that Chakotay walked out of her office without a backwards glance.

_‘Well that could have gone better’_ Janeway sighed slumping into her office chair and let her shaking hands cradle her head. Gone was the excited energy from that afternoon all of a sudden, she was utterly exhausted.

Today had been all about mending her relationship with Chakotay and instead it had ended with her cursing him out. He not only believed she was already pregnant, he didn’t know that she was using a sperm donor, and last but not least Kathryn had shouted out one of the top three names in rage.

Chakotay always had the amazing ability of getting the truth out of her if he pushed hard enough perhaps this was just one of those moments.

Lifting her head up she reached across the desk and brought the frustrating PADD into her lap and opened Robert Muir’s dossier.

**Name: Muir, Robert A.**

**Rank: Captain**

**Assigned Starship: USS Cape Town**

**Status: MIA in Dominion War**

**Living Relatives: 1 ex-wife, no children.**

It was all information she’d read a hundred times before. Muir was a raising star in the academy graduating in the same class as Chakotay before serving on multiple deep space missions and racking up commendations and promotions along the way.

A true blooded Fleeter through and through.

Thanks to her Admiralty clearance level Kathryn got an in depth look into the man’s final mission.

Apparently, the Cape Town was running supplies on Odgone VI for the local resistance movement when Muir’s ground team was ambushed. The sole survivor was a young ensign who recounted that Captain Muir distracted the enemy long enough for his ship to transport the ensign away, the last time anyone saw Robert Muir was him leading the attackers deeper into Odgone’s dense jungles.

It was a harrowing story of self-sacrifice and would have sent a shiver up Kathryn’s spine any other day unfortunately not five minutes ago her best friend and secret hearts desire had just stormed out of her life maybe for good.

All she really wanted to do was crawl into bed with a double whiskey and cry herself to sleep.

And then she would wake up, splash cold water on her face, and schedule the procedure with the Doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! This chapter isn't as long but I think it turnout okay.  
> If you feel like it please comment, kudos, and share with your friends.   
> P.S. this kinda is my theory of how Threshold went down or they did it like salmon and Kathryn released eggs and Tom fertilized 'em. God I'm so weird.


	7. Lending An Ear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just need to talk with a friend about your problems.

Chakotay rushed out of Starfleet Headquarters spitting mad and into the downpour. For what seemed like hours he walked the streets of San Francisco once (a lifetime ago) they were so familiar but now they appeared disjointed. He wrestled with the concept of storming back up to her office and giving her another piece of his mind, Kathryn wasn’t his superior he didn’t have to hold his tongue and say ‘Yes Captain, how high Captain?’ any more.

 

Although in some versions he imagined going back and begging her forgiveness on his hands and knees and in others he’d burst in, wrap her in his arms, and kiss her senseless. A phantom pain of the slap she’d give him if he did such a thing twinged on his right cheek.

So instead Chakotay kept walking until he found a promising looking gym.

The sun was setting on Embarcadero as he replicated what he needed for the workout and stepped into the empty holosuite. After a few moments he called for a level 5 Cardassian opponent with the safeties off and stepped into the simulated boxing ring.

And so began the same song and dance he’d performed a hundred times before. Jab, dodge, guard your face, keep your feet moving, aim for the neck spurs, and above all else don’t let the Cardi get the upper hand because if you give a spoon head an inch, they’ll take a goddamn light year.  

The Maquis Mauler was so engrossed in his holographic foe that he didn’t hear the entrance doors on the far wall open.

 

“If I’d known we were fighting Cardassians I would have brought my Bat’leth.” B’Elanna’s joking tone rang out across the holodeck and caused Chakotay to jump practically ten feet in the air and also unfortunately gave the hologram the lucky opening it needed to catch him with a mean right hook.

B’Elanna couldn’t help but wince as the old man went down hard to the mat and as she tentatively crossed the ring to sit on the small wooden stool in his corner she called for the holographic character to be deleted.

 

As Chakotay took several minutes to right himself on the rope he was once again painfully reminded that he was no longer a nineteen year old cadet who’d taken punches just like that one, gotten up, laughed it off, went out drinking with his fellow boxers into the wee hours, and then be back in the gym the next morning bright and early to do it all again. He’d never hated his younger self more than at this moment.

 

“If it makes you feel any better I’m sure many Klingon warriors would be down for the count after a hit like that.” B’Elanna tried to reassure while admiring the deep red and purple colors blossoming on her former commanding officers face.

 

“Ya know normally yes that would make me feel better...but this time not so much.” He says in between attempts to take off his gloves with his teeth. “How did you find me anyway?”

 

“Oh I could go into great detail about how Tom, Harry, and I used tri-ionized deep level scans coded to your specific DNA signature across the greater San Francisco area all right under Starfleet’s nose.” She tried hard to act nonchalant under Chakotay doubtful gaze.

 

“But instead I just searched for the nearest 24 hour gym with a dive bar right next door and boom here I am.” He had the good grace to look a little sheepish at that.

 

“So when Wildman called about how an enraged bull of a Maquis had stormed through the admirals office I figured it was time to talk.”

 

It took a few moments for him to gather his thoughts into order not helped by the stinging on the side of his face and ringing in his ears. Chakotay partly wanted to revert back to Commander mode and dress Torres down for sticking her nose where it didn’t belong but that had rarely worked on Voyager or the Val Jean and he seriously doubted it’d work now that they were out of the command structure. 

 

“Let me guess talk or I’ll beat it out of you?” He ventured using one of B’Elanna’s favorite threats from days gone past. She’d used it on him, Tom, Harry, Neelix, and the Warp Core when any one of them were acting up numerous times.

 

“Sorry no can do I’m a respectable citizen of the Federation now a days so first I would have to read off a bunch of rules and regulations you violated which could take several hours and then and only then would I beat it out of you.” The half Klingon crossed her legs leaning back on the stool. “So you want to talk about what happened?”

 

And like that the teasing atmosphere was gone.

 

“I felt totally in the dark just like we were back on Voyager and I was once again being left out of important decisions.” For the first time in a week Chakotay actually experienced the impact of just how little sleep he’d gotten and he shut his eyes for a moment. “I was the absolute last person to know...I mean Harry Kim knew before me for spirit’s sake!”

 

“Well you haven’t exactly been the easiest guy to contact for the past few months and this type of news well it’s strange to reveal over subspace.”

 

“But I was in her office last week why not then when we together face to face again?”

 

“I don’t know...did you ask her that this morning?”

 

“I tried to but it all just dissolved into arguing...I have to admit I wasn’t my best and I said some pretty hurtful things.”

 

“What did you say- you know what I don’t want to know it might make me actually beat the crap out of you.” B’Elanna shock her head before continuing, “Chakotay...you know that this is Janeway’s decision. You kind of forfeited the right to object when you ran off to Trebus with Seven.”

 

“I know but it was different standing in front of her and I don’t know if it was the months out of uniform, the fact that we weren’t in the command structure any longer, or maybe it was a combination of several things bottled up over the seven and a half years that it just came out in all the wrong ways.”

 

“Oh let me guess it culminated in the both of you swearing you’d never see each other again and any further interaction would be totally professional at best.”

 

“Not in so many words but yeah just about...how’d you know?” He raised a tattooed brow in question.

 

“Oh Tom and I had that argument about a dozen times in the beginning of our relationship.”

 

“How did you resolve it?”

 

“By having mind blowing make up sex.” She couldn’t help laughing at his wince, the old man still seeing her like a little sister.

 

“Well before that what did you say to each other?”

 

“One or both of us would realize that we couldn’t live like that around each other and we’d apologize.”Looking back on it B’Elanna found some of the things she and Tom argued about pretty ridiculous. “I'd look at him across the mess hall during meals and think to myself ‘Damn why the hell isn’t he right beside me? Making lame jokes and trying to steal bites of my food.’ and as luck would have it he’d be thinking the same thing.”

 

“So you’re saying that there’s a chance to fix this mess?”

 

“Of course there’s a chance.” B’Elanna stood up and offered her hand to her friend to help him up. “If there’s one thing I know about Kathryn Janeway it's that she believes in second chances hell even third ones.”

 

Chakotay couldn’t help smirking as he took her hand and got to his feet. “You’re right she did take an ragtag group of Maquis rebels and uptight fleeters and turned them into a halfway decent starship crew.”

 

“Not without some help from a very patient and loyal first officer.”

 

“I think you forgot to add devilishly handsome.”

 

“...no I didn’t.”

 

They shared a laugh as they reached the exit of the holodeck and called for the program to end.

 

“You know that weird thing is that Kathryn told me the name of the father. He and I went to the academy together.”

 

“What’s so strange about that?”

 

“Robert Muir, I barely remember the guy we travelled in completely different circles but I do remember not liking him.” Chakotay pursed his lips trying to draw up the few memories he had of Muir. “He was a big shot at the academy and thought he was untouchable. He came from a long line of high ranking officers and always looked down on us colony kids almost to the point of being a bully.”

 

B’Elanna waved him on to continue as they walked out into the cool night air. 

 

“I know it’s been almost thirty years since I’ve seen the guy and people change but I’d never imagined that Kathryn would be attracted to that kind of man.”

 

“Oh!” the young engineer comes to an abrupt stop and it takes Chakotay a few steps to figure out she’s not walking beside him.

 

“Oh...what do you mean by ‘oh’ Lieutenant Commander?” Chakotay swung around on the half Klingon his bullshit detector going off which was pretty reliable unless you counted Seska or Tuvok...or Paris. Ignoring those examples he could tune it pretty well when it came to Kathryn Janeway.

 

“Well it’s nothing really just that the Admiral is going to be using a donor and last I heard was that she was still deciding on who the lucky guy would be…”

 

It took Chakotay a few moments to catch up with her words, “So you’re saying that she’s not involved with anyone at the moment?” If B’Elanna didn’t know any better his tone sounded almost hopeful.

 

“Not that I’m aware of although there was this pretty disastrous first date a few months back but...ah nevermind I’ll let Kathryn tell that story.” B’Elanna waved her hand dismissively as they reached the public transport.

 

“What makes you think she’ll want to see me again I said some pretty hurtful things?” Chakotay asked.

 

“And I’m sure on Voyager she also said hurtful things but that’s the thing about the two of you after everything you’ve been through together you always find each other in the end.” She turned briefly to give the sleepy ensign manning the control her coordinates.

 

“I’m not sure if that means we’re incredibly dedicated to each other or stubborn fools that never know what to call it quits.” The thought brought a wide smile to his bruised face.

 

“I guess you’ll just have to figure that out together but...and this is a big one there is something you have to do first.” She looked up at the taller Native American with a knowing gaze.

 

“Yeah yeah I know what I have to do, don’t worry Torres.” Chakotay watched as B’Elanna stepped up onto the transport pad, “Did anyone ever tell you that you’re kind of a know-it-all?!”

 

“Only every single day of my life.” She raised a thick eyebrow and imparted one last piece of advice, “Also when you see the Admiral come armed with the dimples...energize.”

 

And with that Voyager chief engineer was gone leaving Chakotay alone once more. With a nod to the ensign on duty the Maquis Mauler started the long walk home but surprisingly his steps felt lighter.

 

****

 

Kathryn could clearly remember her mood from a few hours ago; a little introspective but overall hopeful. She was considering getting a dog to go along with her baby and buying a big house with a yard for the three of them to run around in.

 

Hell she’d even entertained the thought of getting a cookbook and trying to make something more complicated than a pot of coffee.

Now all of that momentum had been thrown out the window. If there was one thing good about being stranded in the Delta Quadrant it was that there was always a distraction.

 

Some new alien was being a bother, some system on the ship was acting up, reports needed to be read and approved. She could fiddle with her replicator, change a power relay, tour the ship.

 

Talk with Chakotay.

 

Sure there was still a lot of work to be done but it was from behind a desk. Sending others on the exciting mission, allocating resources, having dignitaries come to her rather than the other way around.

 

At the end of the day she could pack up and go home to her apartment. Her big-empty-apartment with no yard, no dog, and no baby.

 

At the moment the only distraction Kathryn Janeway wanted was in liquid form so when she entered her dimly lit abode she wasted no time in throwing her things in the entrance way and quickly stepping to the replicator.

 

“Whiskey, neat.” 

 

She’d just taken a small sip of the amber liquid before noticing the lithe silhouette against the cityscape let in by her floor to ceiling windows.

 

“Jesus Christ! Seven you almost gave me a heart attack!” Janeway clutched her chest coughing as the whiskey burned her throat.

 

“My apologies Admiral it was not my intention to startle you.” The former Borg turned to her mentor although she didn’t look too put out at causing the Admiral distress. “I simply wished to discuss issues I’ve been having and to review the possible solutions I’ve come up with.”

 

“And this couldn’t wait till the morning...in my office...where you don’t have to break in?” Kathryn inquired relaxing into her leather sofa. 

 

“No I find that these issues are time sensitive and also I wanted to examine for myself if Starfleet was doing an adequate job in ensuring the safety of it’s most valuable officers.” Seven settled herself in the chair opposite in her typical straight backed manner.

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yes I’ve found it lacking and have already begun to commit the failings I’ve found to memory for a report that I will compile and send to Starfleet’s security office in the morning.”

 

Janeway could just imagine the angry call she’d be getting just before lunch but that was an issue for future Kathryn, present Kathryn just wanted to get drunk. 

 

“I’m guessing the lack of security in my home isn’t the only problem you wanted to cover tonight.”

 

“No it is not…” When Seven failed to elaborate Kathryn to the opportunity to sip her drink and admire the sparkling lights from the city. 

 

Just a year or two ago on Voyager Kathryn would have urged Seven of Nine to continue her thought and offer subtle encouragement but this wasn’t Voyager anymore.

 

She didn’t have to hold Seven’s hand any longer. She was not the young woman’s superior or mentor or even surrogate mother, she still cared for Seven but the months apart had shown Kathryn how much the former borg no longer needed her on such a deep level and vice versa. Out in the Delta Quadrant it'd been different, a lot of thing had been different out there.

  
  


“I’ve been having intimacy problems with Chakotay recently.” Well Kathryn hadn’t been expecting that confession.

 

“Uhhh Seven maybe I’m not quite the right person you should be discussing this with maybe the Doctor or…” but Janeway’s mind drew a blank on who else could help and even the Doctor had been a poor suggestion given the holograms feelings for the former borg. Also the thought of Seven and Chakotay engaging in such activities brought a sudden stabbing feeling to Kathryn’s chest, Seven really was trying to give her a heart attack.

 

“Before when Chakotay and I performed sexual acts with each other it was for mutual benefit and lasted for extended periods of time.” Seven continued as if she hadn’t heard her former captain. “For a man of his age Chakotay performed with optimal efficiency and great enthusiasm.”

 

“A-Alright Seven I understand you and Chakotay have great sex I get it!” Kathryn hadn’t meant to lose her cool but after years of celibacy the image of her secrets hearts desire and surrogate daughter was almost too much to take. The redhead couldn’t even remember the last time she’d held another mans hand for longer than a firm handshake.

 

“ _ Had _ we  _ had _ great sex,” Seven shifted in her seat as if finally uncomfortable, “For the past week our sexual relations has abruptly stopped after we both learned new information.”

 

“Oh and what information is that?” Kathryn calmed her temper she got the notion she knew what Seven was about to say.

 

“That you are going to be expecting a child, Admiral. Afterwards Chakotay lost interest in copulating, began to spend hours away from the apartment, and when we were together there were stilted and awkward conversations followed by long silences.I believe that in the hours he was away Chakotay was spending time holo-boxing with the safeties off.”

 

“I don’t know what to say Seven…” And it was the truth in the past if certain decisions or actions Kathryn made upset her friends she’d apologize as long as they were personal issues and not with the captaincy and Voyager but she didn’t want to be sorry for this choice. She didn’t want to feel bad about having a child.

 

“It is through no fault of your own Adm-Kathryn I believe this lack of intimacy has put to the forefront issues in mine and Chakotay's relationship that would have gone unsaid for years if we had permitted it.”

 

“I thought you two were stronger than ever. I mean you’re both back in the Alpha Quadrant, you went to his colony together, and there are so many doors open now to the both of you.” There she went again, Kathryn Janeway just couldn’t help counseling Seven of Nine.

 

“But I am quite certain that he and I, to use your metaphor, do not wish to walk through the same doors. And to be honest the past few months on Trebus were extremely difficult in spite of Chakotay’s encouragement and company.” The tall blonde sighed feeling relieved to get that off her chest.

 

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

 

“Do not be, Commander Chakotay has a deep need to settle down, have a family, teach at the Academy, and live a relatively peaceful life. I on the other hand find myself growing restless planetside and the thought of joining Lieutenant Kim on the Jefferson is an extremely tempting prospect. To be apart of a crew again, to seek out and find new scientific possibilities.”

 

Kathryn could relate to her young proteges desire, at more than a few points in her Starfleet career the adventurous drive had been the only thing moving her forward, it’d driven her right into the heart of the Delta Quadrant even unintentionally. Now that search for the unknown was driving her toward a different path so to comfort the conflicted woman Kathryn reached out and grasped her shoulder.

 

“Annika I understand where you’re coming from and I’ll support you in whatever decision you make but I don’t think I’m the person you should be having this conversation with.” With that the shorter redhead got up and guided the younger woman to the front door.

 

There Kathryn did something quite uncaptainly and wrapped her arms around Seven feeling her borg modified muscles tense and then relax before the other woman returned the embrace. When they pulled back Kathryn swore she could see a slight mistiness in Sevens eyes.

 

“I understand what I must do and...well thank you for listening.” Annika didn’t speak above a whisper and then she was gone.

 

With that Kathryn downed the rest of her whiskey and padded over the her terminal dialing immediately for Starfleet medical.

 

“Ahh Admiral I’ve been anticipating your call...so have you made up your mind?” The hologram raised an eyebrow.

 

“Yes I have please prepare Robert Muir’s sample and schedule the appointment for first thing tomorrow morning.” and with a nod in goodbye Janeway closed the link before the Doctor could say anything else.

 

Yawning the petite redhead rose and methodically stripped off her uniform making her way to bed. As she drifted off to sleep Kathryn tried to focus on the positives of the day making the sperm donor choice, setting up the appointment for impregnation, and reuniting with Seven again. But she couldn’t shake the hollow feeling in her chest when she thought of her former first officer and what he might be doing at that very moment.

 

***

The walk back to his and Seven’s place felt quick, quicker than it’d felt in weeks. Perhaps it was because he wasn't going there wheedle out a few hours of sleep or awkwardly make small talk with his girlfriend. 

 

He had a purpose again with a real goal something he hadn't felt in a very long time.

 

Walking through the front door and seeing Annika sitting at the dining room table still brought a flood of emotions though.

 

As black eyes met cerulean he felt anxiousness, guilt, gratitude, excitement, and most of all resolute. Surprisingly he saw all those emotions reflected back at him.

 

“Chakotay I was hoping that we could talk about...the future.” Seven broke the silence gesturing to the unoccupied seat across from her.

 

“Annika there is nothing I’d like more.” And with that Chakotay sat down and they started to talk and it felt like the first real conversation they’d had since coming home.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really am sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. I was so focused on the next one that I felt I wasn't doing this one justice. But with some help from coffee and kicking my own ass, I did it. By way of apology I also wrote a funny little piece so please read that if you want a good lizard laugh. Comment, kudos, and share if you feel up to it or don't I'm a chapter bio not the cops.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Everyone,
> 
> I haven't written a story in a very long time but man this feels amazing. I'm really passionate about J/C and this idea has been stewing in my brain for weeks. What can I say I have a weakness for baby fics and it's kinda inspired by the movie Baby Mama, powerful woman wants a baby and she don't need no man.  
> Let me say that I will do chapters from other character's perspectives and there will be no Seven bashing which I hate.  
> Please let me know what you think and where you think the story will go from here also don't forget kudos.


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